I've been seeing a 24 year old man. I just turned 36. We met several months ago, when I was in South Africa for work. His father is from South Africa and his mother from Colombia. He grew up in both countries as a child. But he went to uni here and now lives here - he was also in SA for work when we met.
My husband and son died two years ago in a car accident. I survived the crash. In the aftermath, I fell into deep depression and the abyss that is alcoholism. A night wouldn't go by without me draining a bottle of wine. I couldn't sleep if I didn't get blackout drunk. I haven't had a drop of wine since meeting this man. Ever since I came back home, we have been in constant contact through facetime or texts.
Last week, he came to the UK. He was here for 8 days. The project he is working on in SA will be done in November - he went back on Friday evening :(.
He makes documentaries and is also a photographer, so he travels quite a bit. I miss him already. He lives 3 hours (on the train) away from me and when he came back, we met. Had such an amazing time - he ended up staying with me for 6 of the 8 days, something that just happened. Something we didn't plan. But something we definitely enjoyed. It was so nice to come back from work and not be all alone.
I honestly thought I would never feel any semblance of happiness after my family died. The pain is still here, sometimes I still cry myself to sleep and the guilt of being with this man, is present. But I'm trying to work through it. And this man is definitely helping. A few months ago it would've been inconceivable for me to go a night without drinking. Now I don't even feel the urge. He's been so supportive.
On Saturday I was at my parents' place. My mother remarked on how different I was. On how much more content I was. I told her about about this man. She was supportive, but my father (who I have never had a good relationship with) said he's too young for me and that it will end in disaster. He said I should be with a man my own age.
This has heightened my insecurities, fears and guilt. Like I wrote, I haven't had the urge to drink for ages. But after what my father said, I did feel the urge to buy a bottle of red. Only getting in touch with this man stopped me. I can't go back to the way I lived. That was not life. It was the definition of hell.