LTB or get over it?

[Jamhandprints]

My OH has always has always had a problem with his temper and the things he says but I knew this before I married him so don't feel I can leave him for this. But today he said something really hurtful and I don't know what to do.
He said he's sick of my family making snide comments about how he's the only one our children will listen to.
Then he said my DM and DstepM both think he's the only one who has any control over the DS's.
I know my DM would definitely not have made a comment like this because she doesn't like OH's parenting style.
I hate the way he shouts at the boys and sometimes makes fun of them or refuses to listen to them. That's not my style and I wouldn't want it to be. Our children are lively and loud and I wish they were better behaved but I'm not going to start shouting, threatening and punishing constantly like he does.
It feels quite abusive what he said but he has said a lot worse to me in the past and I didn't leave so don't know what to do.

Just because you knew he had a temper before you were married doesn't mean you're sentenced to a life of misery. Your husband sounds like a bullying control freak. Is this the environment you want your kids raised in? Is this what YOU want for the rest of your life?

It's definitely not the environment I want them raised in but I don't know if I could do any better for them on my own.

Why do you think you wouldn't do better on your own? My DF 'had a temper' and I wish with all my heart my mother had left him. Walking on eggshells does not a happy childhood make. Or happy adult either.

Your dc will be mirroring the behaviour of their parents, if he's loud and bad tempered then don't be surprised if they end up being that way as well

They are trying to get his attention, if it's bad attention then at least that's something
It's shame they are ignored or shouted at op

It's not right that he is abusive towards you, but you say he's always been like this, and has said worse, so I'm not sure why this in particular has hit a nerve.
Do you feel that there is anything in the comments about your control over the children? How do you discipline them? Maybe work on this and when you are feeling confident in this area you will feel more confident in standing up for yourself when he brings it up. Then you can address the behavior calmly each time he brings something up.

Life is too short to spend tiptoeing around a bully of a man who refuses to control his temper. If you left, you'd teach your kids and important lesson about what is acceptable in a relationship and what isn't.