Anyone else's PIL do this?

[susannahmoodie]

I work FT and am the main breadwinner, in a busy and v responsible role. DH works Pt and is v flexible and can do school drop offs and pick ups. It works well, we are v happy with these arrangements.

At PIL's today and mil asks DH "do you have a busy week at work coming up?". She would never, ever ever ask me this sort of question, ever. Even though my week is guaranteed to be busier than his.....maybe she just finds his job more interesting than mine, but it grates on me.

My FIL once asked me 'how's your little job going?'
I was temporarily dumbstruck but DH told him promptly that it was 'a fucking great big job dad, don't be so bloody patronising' and the matter has never been mentioned again

My PIL have been retired for so long that they've both completely forgotten what full time work is like! If they're coming to stay for the weekend they'll ring up and say can they arrive for lunch on the Friday to miss the traffic, then seem genuinely surprised when DP and I say no, we'll both be at work! Or they'll invite us to some evening event local to them (70-odd miles from us) on a weeknight, forgetting that we'd be working the next day.

Also no appreciation of annual leave allowance, and that we can't just take as many days off in the year as we feel like!

My mil who is now no longer with us once had a tirade aimed at me when we were looking at moving 120 miles from them and said 'I bet you put him up to this' in all fairness DH told her that was def not the case. I think a lot of women over 65 who were not mega career minded (apologies to any lovely older mumsnetters on here who don't fit this mould) haven't quite got over the idea that the little woman has a bit of a job working around the kids and it's all about the bloke and pandering to him . I never cease to be amazed at the number I meet who apart from bringing up a family (which I know requires work) have done bugger all else, even after kids were teens snd grown up

But surely most people's parents/pils are in their late 50s/early 60s? I find all these 1950s type attitudes completely bizarre.

Bertrand,

In my case you're about 20 years out. My mother is now in her late 70s and my dad is in his 80s. My MIL is now in her 70s as well.

I get this from my own family! My DF's side of the family all seem to think we're still living in some sort of Jane Austin novel where women can't be trusted as functioning members of society yet. Luckily, DM is a raging feminist and passed it all on to me.

My DF's mother and sister recently had a conversation in which one of them mentioned how nice it is to have brains in the family now I've married my husband. Fuck right off deary, I'm a member of Mensa and have been since I was 11!

I'm currently 27 and a half weeks pregnant, and suffering from SPD that's left me on crutches and barely able to move at times. DF asked me today if I'd considered sleeping on the sofa for the rest of my pregnancy as DH 'needs his sleep' and it's not fair for me to be disturbing him - when I'm trying not to swear profusely whilst moving in bed in the middle of the night, I might add. I didn't know whether to laugh or put the phone down on him.

yetmorecrap

re your comment:-
"I never cease to be amazed at the number I meet who apart from bringing up a family (which I know requires work) have done bugger all else, even after kids were teens snd grown up"

Agree, my mother amongst many others in her age group did precisely this. She has never worked with people since, even in a voluntary capacity.

Susannah - I have had the self same question posed over and over again to my DH. To my MIL in particular I am very much an afterthought.

I would have thought it goes without saying that you'd be having a busy week since you work full-time.
The question just happened to be specifically to their son. I don't see any problem.

My MIL: "Oh I can't stand working with women, women are so sly, I much prefer working with men."

Also my MIL: "So when are you going back to work?"

That'll be fucking never if whoever is hiring feels like you do about other women!

"My MIL: "Oh I can't stand working with women, women are so sly, I much prefer working with men."

You do know that this site is crawling with non MILs saying exactly the same?

Very true Bertrand

My MIL actually suggested that I get a "little part time job".............
Whilst I was on maternity leave from my already quite well paid job!!!

I am the main earner in our house and while on mat leave (baby was 4 months) I went into work for a KIT 1/2 day so MIL was roped in to look after baby (before I realised what a nutter having a grandchild has made her)
As I was leaving she told the baby loudly "don't worry mammy is just popping to the shops she'll be back soon" and then turned to me and partner and said "well you don't want her feeling as though she's being abandoned because work is more important to you" at which point her son lost patience and very calmly and clearly told her what was what. The best bit is he and his brother virtually brought themselves up as she worked (and worked away) from them being 11 so they had to cook, iron uniforms and get themselves off to school. Just baffling. She never made a comment about her son being back at work after 2 weeks paternity leave!

I had a blog for a while and put lots of lovely photos on. My MIL thought my DH had taken all the photos for me! Didn't occur to her to ask me if I had taken them. I realised they thought he took all the family photos too! I studied photography at college .

When my mum was staying with us when the children were little, she felt the kettle one morning and on finding it cold said "I can't believe you've let DH go to work without a hot drink" - whilst I was trying to get myself off to work also.