Told him its over, need a hand hold.

[ClothEaredBint]

He's making me feel like the worst person in the world, i'm a horrible person for breaking the family up.

I just feel sick, can't eat, can't really sleep.

After 16 years together I am done with his bad moods, snappy remarks, threats, being made to constantly feel like nothing I do is ever good enough, being made to feel lazy and worthless.

Apparently he loves me and i'm the best thing that ever happened to him and he's an idiot and I hate him.

I don't hate him, I just don't want to keep doing this, we're not working, and no matter how many times I tell him, it goes in one ear and out the other, and he tries for a couple of weeks, but then we're back to him yelling at me for refusing sex, of accusing me of having an affair or seeing someone else because I don't want to be harassed every day.

I'm done, and I need to stay strong, but he's making me feel horrible for doing it.

Stick with it. It's horrible and it hurts even when you are doing the right thing.

You need to be a bit 'grey rock' which can feel very hard and emotionless but it's easier to not react to everything.

He'll probably throw everything at you over the course of the next few days, weeks and months before he finally gets acceptance:
Love bombing, promising to change, saying it's all his fault, apologising, blaming you, accusing you of having an affair, it's all your fault, you should be trying harder, you are throwing everything away, you've decided this so you have to deal with his shit, etc etc etc.

Been there, done that. It will get easier, just don't fall of the emotional lines. You've done the worst part it's sticking to it now and how you work together to make this the least painful for all of you.

Good luck

I am 6 months down the line from where you are and it's still hard. I still get angry messages or begging for me to take him back, that he'll change blah blah blah.

You've mentioned how awful he's been, now just make sure you don't forget that. If you have a weak moment, make sure you remember all the negatives and exactly why it just wouldn't work.

You are strong, and you will be sooooo much happier on your own I promise you that as someone who's a little further down the line than you.

It's hard, it's not easy, the guilt of breaking up a family isn't nice. But what's worse is living a life with someone who makes you miserable.

Thanks.

Just wish this churning nausea would go away.. I know its me being anxious, because he's sitting in silence and i'm waiting for him to blow up at me again.

You are not splitting the family up , you are showing your children how to chose happiness. It's one of the most important things they will ever learn.
Welcome to your freedom, and well done op X

You are waiting for him to blow up at you again.

This is no longer your life.

You do not need to respond or communicate with him in emotional terms anymore. You only reply to logistics to do with kids etc. You ignore everything else.

Grey rock will absolutely help.
Well done, big hug, chin up, stay strong x

I'm in the same boat OP. PM me if you like.