To ghost this so-called friend or not?

[shouldaknownbetter]

I posted earlier in the week about a friend I went to stay with recently who treated me really badly, she got drunk and aggressive, and at a gig we'd bought tickets to go to together she walked off soon after we'd got there, leaving me with no idea where she was... to cut a long story short I went to stay with another friend before going back home the next day, and we haven't spoken since.

I have tried to contact her but she refuses to speak to me saying she 'doesn't want an argument' and wants to just forget it.

I don't want an argument either but I did want to speak to her, let her know how let down I felt and try to resolve the situation.

I've decided now that if she can treat me like that and then not even want to discuss it I no longer want to be friends.

What's the best way to proceed? Ignore her texts/messages going forward? Write her an email explaining how I feel?

I know her style, she will be putting her head in the sand waiting for me to forget all about it but I don't think I will be on this occasion as I can't let it go, I feel really hurt and let down not only by how I was treated at the gig but how she then went off elsewhere, didn't get in touch to let me know (so I had no idea where she was for a bit -eventually mutual friend found out) and then thinks she can just forget all about it and that's ok.

We were good friends for the past few years, very close at times, but alcohol has changed her into a selfish person who has no consideration for others. I saw a side of her I didn't recognise last weekend, an ugly side, and it's not worth me keeping a long distance friendship going with someone like that, not when I have to travel to the other end of the country to see her, take time off work, leave my family for the weekend etc.

I'm not a fan of 'ghosting' but I feel that if she is refusing to speak to me about what happened, she doesn't deserve me trying to communicate any further? But then again, it feels so unfinished and unresolved and I can't get it off my mind.

Anyone? I would appreciate some view points on this.

As she's been ignoring/ deflecting your attempts to contact her would stop trying to contact her and wait for her to contact you. When she does next get in contact say you're pleased to hear from her and are hoping you can discuss what happened at the gig as you were hurt by it.

Make it very clear you're not willing to just 'forget' her behaviour - if she continues to refuse to discuss it let her know in that case you're going to have to step away from the friendship until she is ready to talk to you like an adult.

Well, if she doesn't want to speak to you, and you don't contact her, the job is done by default isn't it? She clearly knows why you're hacked off (she 'doesn't want an argument') and you're not going to get any kind of apology from her, or an undertaking not to do it again, so your only option is to just leave it. I wouldn't bother with a carefully crafted message or email - just let it go.

Another let it go ...

It sounds like she's dumped you already? I would make no further efforts to communicate with her. You could write yourself an 'anger note', i.e. what you want to send to her but without sending it. Then if she makes contact in a few months or years you've got a record of exactly what you wanted to say at the time, if she would have given you the courtesy of hearing you out.

You'll waste a load of time and energy if you write something to send to her that you expect to have a dramatic effect on her. As soon it's sent, you've lost control of the situation and will be left dangling, waiting for her to respond.

'Closure' comes from yourself not from the other person. You can't force her to discuss it, and she may not even care, so you have 2 options. Go about your business, wait for her to come forward and then resume as was and hope she is able to discuss what went on, and accept it if she does not. Or cut her off and don't bother with her again.

She sounds like a troublesome individual, and sometimes it's not worth keeping these toxic people around, if all they do is cause you distress.

I'd leave her too it. She sounds like a user leaving you stranded etc

are you concerned about the effect alcohol has on her? perhaps tell her bluntly

It's not ghosting if she's the one that doesn't want to talk to you. Just leave it.

i think you have been ghosted yourself.

Write the email but don't explain "how you feel" just that it's ended. I think that's what people do. Otherwise just let it ebb out.

She has said she will get in touch 'at a later time when we're not stressed' but I think that's a fob off to be honest.

If she doesn't I guess it's a mutual ghosting.

If she does, I can decide whether to ghost her or not.

Tell her to piss off when she decides to come crawling back thinking you have forgotten about it. In the meantime - ignore!

You don't need her permission to end the friendship but I personally would articulate my feelings and my decision to end it. Ghosting is a cowardly way to end any friendship and it doesn't give you the opportunity to voice your feelings.