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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice for date night please!!

7 replies

Dumbo412 · 16/09/2017 13:42

Hi everyone!

We've been through a really tough time lately, and our marriage feels like its crumbling. he is a wonderful man who has worked through plenty of his issues for our marriage to survive, we work together like a well oiled machine, and he does far more for our family than most men i know.

the problem is, weve got so used to focusing on whats best for DD, what makes her happiest, shes also recently had an operation which has meant ive stayed in her room the past few nights to be able to keep an eye on her. we tend to get no more than 15 minutes a day together. we frequently bicker about how im working as much as him, but im the default parent and i do all of the housework, which isnt really true, he does what he realises needs doing. he will wash up a few bits but leave the dishwasher full, he may plonk on a load of washing.

its got to the point where neither of us feel loved, or that we are even on eachothers lists of priorities.

i want to work on this, because ive got a goodun here, i really do. hes the kindest most lovely man and we have the bones of a good relationship.

i want to plan something so we can take ourselves away from stress and reconnect.

i had thought of booking into our favourite hotel, in a room with a double bath so we can bath together with a bottle of wine and hang out together, grab a lovely dinner, put on a new set of pjs each and watch a few films

But then maybe that isn't invoking passion into our marriage and that's what we need?

I don't know which direction to plan in.

I feel like us reconnecting and having that chilled out rest time is what could help, but oh I don't know, maybe we need to do something exciting, so we have that good time to look back on and remember?

If anyone has any ideas that would be brilliant. I'm just not sure. I wanted to plan something special that shows we can still have fun, and enjoy each others company.

If we can't start to work on this, I just don't know if our marriage will last much longer, i know that neither of us feel appreciated, which is a shame because together we have built a nicer life than we would have separately.

OP posts:
Sneezeandooops · 16/09/2017 20:49

I think your idea sounds lovely. What's important is that it's time for you both together, try to avoid talking about workloads and other things. Just focus on you as a couple

user1497997754 · 16/09/2017 21:18

What about a weekend away somewhere by the coast .....

NotTheFordType · 16/09/2017 22:56

If your date night plan includes sex then it sounds good. If it doesn't then it's not exactly reigniting the two of you as a couple rather than housemates, is it?

PS Don't have sex in the bath, water is not a good lube, just saying.

Dumbo412 · 20/09/2017 10:16

Haha! I've just managed to find this post again!
😬 Date night is all booked in for the first Friday in October. I've taken a step back and I've realised that a lot of our stress comes from his (our I guess as we have a 51%-49% split) business isn't being run very well, and I've been working 40-50 hours a week in another job.
In an effort to make things better I've decided to quit the other job, and start taking a salary from the business, this will eradicate a lot of our family stress.
Looking forward to our date night.
Thanks everyone x

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 20/09/2017 10:33

With everything a bit 'up in the air' do you really want to relinquish your independence?
Could you go part-time to start with?
I'd not want to put all my eggs in one basket in your current situation.

user1497997754 · 20/09/2017 11:17

Good for you....wishing you a lovely date night.....stress is a marriage killer...I think you are putting your marriage 1st and I am sure your hubby will appreciate it loads...

Desmondo2016 · 20/09/2017 15:00

Sensible words from hellsbells ...

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