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Relationships

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Original poster

Is my husband over-reacting or am I in the wrong?

42 replies

ell1ecat · 16/09/2017 06:52

So it all kicked off last night.

Husband and I are members of this gaming forum, one of the members(who is also a friend) jokingly asked me to marry him. I said yes, it's a bit of fun. Husband didn't find it funny and said it was the one thing he thought I wouldn't do. So I had to divorce the guy, so I asked him to divorce me so he did. That was apparently wrong as well, I should have asked for the divorce. It all sounds so childish.

He then got all arsey with me and accused me of hiding my messages. I have nothing to hide and he can read them if he wants but I don't expect to read his so he should give me the same courtesy. What he will find is me and this guy talking absolute rubbish to each, we talk about music, what we would be if we could be our own boss, and videos of him playing the guitar.

I've got a couple of friends coming over today including the one who asked me to marry me. Husband then said well you didn't tell me about that and you probably wouldn't have done. I told him during the week to be fair. If he ever bloody listened to me he would find this out.

He's now calling me a liar and says he wants me out of the house today, he's "confiscated"my wedding and engagement rings because he knows that will hurt me the most. I also get the feeling he thinks something is going on between me and this guy. It's not, he's a friend, is half my age and young enough to be my son, we just get on well. Husband got on with him until last night. He also says I have a spending problem, I admit I do like to shop but I know when to stop. He says he has no money left but refuses to let me pay when we are out and won't let me give him any to make up for it.

I've given up fighting to be honest, everytime we argue he tells me he wants a divorce and that has got so draining that I just can't be bothered to fight anymore. I could go and stay with my parents(and get the withering looks from them about failing in my marriage) but why the hell should I when I have done nothing wrong. He has the problem, he should leave.

I don't know if someone has put the idea that this guy and I are up to no good into his head(I think they have) because it came out of the blue and the reaction is over the top. I don't have a problem with him going out every night with other woman and I have a feeling had it been anyone else he wouldn't have reacted the way he did.

I admit we have been drifting apart for a while and this past week we have felt like strangers but I thought he at least trusted me.

OP posts:

Neverknowing · 16/09/2017 08:57

Gosh people are judging you as childish just because you game? Ok then.
I think he's being unreasonable and sounds very jealous. You're allowed male friends. I think you should call his bluff and move out, wait for him to apologise. Are you usually the one who apologises? That's probably fuelling the fire because he thinks he can do this to you over and over.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 16/09/2017 09:29

I wouldn't call myself a 'gamer', but I do play one game on my iPad. You can play solo or in teams, I play solo. But there's also a forum and, like here, you get to know people. We use KIK to trade & chat. We help each other out with stuff you need in the game & chat about other stuff. I spent the entire night chatting to a friend from there when she was terrified during the recent hurricane in Florida. It's like here, you can make great friendships, both male & female & we joke like that too.

Your DH was being a twat about you messing about, especially when he knows this bloke & they're friends. It's stupid.

He's being a nasty controlling git keeping your rings & threatening divorce everytime you argue.

The whole money thing sounds controlling too.

I think I'd tell him that if HE isn't happy, HE can move out & that you're happy not to contest a divorce if he files for one. Then get on with your day - have your friends around & ignore the twat. Ask him tomorrow when he's planning on moving out. Don't you move out.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 16/09/2017 09:31

Why is the guy coming over today?

What a daft question. Why do friends normally come around? NOT that it should matter, but he's not even coming on his own.

Branleuse · 16/09/2017 09:54

I wouldnt be happy if my dp "married" one of his female guilders.

He obviously thinks youve crossed a line

user1499333856 · 16/09/2017 10:06

This all sounds very juvenile and tedious.

There are people in the world with real problems. You should both be more mature. Perhaps spend a little more time with each other instead of talking to other people via the internet.

LonginesPrime · 16/09/2017 10:37

Husband and I are members of this gaming forum

^ This sounds like the root of the problem on so many levels

You can't expect others playing the game to appreciate your real life hang-ups, and if you're going to bring your mundane relationship issues into the game, where's the appeal of playing?

MaisyPops · 16/09/2017 10:42

You can't expect others playing the game to appreciate your real life hang-ups, and if you're going to bring your mundane relationship issues into the game, where's the appeal of playing?
This ^^
I'm not a gamer but don't get the attitude towards people who choose to.

But it's a GAME. I find it bizare that a gtown adult would take their real world hangups i to a game.

dolcezza99 · 16/09/2017 10:43

Can't you find a hobby for actual grown ups and avoid all this nonsense?

TheRat · 16/09/2017 11:35

There's nothing wrong with playing games.

There is something wrong with being so invested in a game it is affecting your marriage.

dolcezza99 · 16/09/2017 18:41

Games are for children. No sympathy.

Pilgit · 16/09/2017 18:58

These games are most definitely not for children! There is nothing wrong or juvenile about playing them. People interested in gardening can be just as juvenile as those that play online games. i suspect any issues in this marriage would be there irrespective of the hobby involved. I have no advice though

Schvitzing · 16/09/2017 19:26

The rings thing is completely unacceptable. They're yours.

junebirthdaygirl · 17/09/2017 09:22

Its like a foreign lanvuage to me but would you have been happy if he agreed to marry a woman ye knew in the game? Obviously ye are not as young as it seems as you said guy could be your son. I think ye need to get into the real world for a while and try sorting out stuff.

Emilybrontescorsett · 17/09/2017 10:02

I can understand your dh being upset that your online character married someone else and not him.
I have seen documentaries where this had lead to real life affairs so your dh is not being unreasonable.
I can also understand why he asked to see your messages.
He was unreasonable for taking your rings and he is unreasonable for not letting you pay for nights out.
I think you should tackle one issue at a time.

GriefLeavesItsMark · 17/09/2017 11:59

I'm a bit confused about the money thing.

Joysmum · 17/09/2017 12:21

I have seen documentaries where this had lead to real life affairs so your dh is not being unreasonable

Thank you. I've just told my dh he's never allowed the go to work as so many affairs start in the workplace. I've no reason to suspect him of anything but you can't be too careful. Thank you for saving my marriage

lynmilne65 · 17/09/2017 19:24

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