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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Separating

2 replies

smileyhappypeople · 14/09/2017 21:23

I have no idea what to do... I'm not sure whether I need advice, a hand hold or what and this is likely to turn into a nonsensical rant ...
I need to leave my husband... where do I even start? I will be left without absolutely nothing and our family will be destroyed and I just don't know what to do...
I can't afford the house we live in on my own as it is and I work with my husband so I will be left with no job if I leave him which means no way of affording house.
My parents separated when I was 10 and I've never got over it, it's the absolute last thing I want to put our children through but it's got to happen.
I've given him so many chances and I've had enough.
I'm absolutely heartbroken, all I ever wanted was us to be happy and the kids to be happy and I feel like I'm giving up everything! I know I'm giving up all the shit but I'm also giving up the family days out and holidays and taking the kids away from a dad they absolutely adore.
How do I even do that?

OP posts:
Aperolspritzer123 · 15/09/2017 14:07

Hi OP, I would say that the first thing you should do is get some legal advice.
Why are you splitting up? How old are your dc? Is there any abuse?
It's easier to advise you with more information. I separated from my exh in February this year and I have an 11yo and a 4yo. It was hard at first but he was extremely EA and the alternative was worse than splitting. I had to weigh up the emotional damage of my dc living with an emotional abuser or splitting. I gave it years, every chance etc but in the end I had to choose my kids' happiness over everything and do what I thought was in their best interests (and mine but I suppose it's the same thing really). I was in a better financial position than you seem to be but even so I would have done it anyway. My dc are happy and content now, we live peacefully. Tough few months at the start but it was worth it!!

hellsbellsmelons · 15/09/2017 16:48

Why do you need to leave your husband?
That's my first question.
Is he abusive?
Lazy?
Is there any equity in the house?
Does he work? Good wage?
Do you have family or friends who could help you out in the beginning?

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