Thinking about going to a refuge..

[EasyToEatTiger]

It's been on the cards and I hoped beyond hope that I wouldn't have to do it. However, my husband has been ramping up the abuse and I don't think the police will take any notice until I take the children away to be safe. I reported my husband again to the police last night as he was threatening me, and my daughter. She and I went to be with friends just in case the police were able to come, so we could be safe. The police said they'd be in touch in the morning. Needless to say they weren't, and there are far too many stray sheep around to bother with us. Actually I think they are so understaffed that unless someone is dead or near dead they won't bother. The lights are on but there's nobody in. The local MP is useless. Of this I have been warned. It is my experience too.

Where is he now OP?

Who's house is it?

Call the police back now and find out why they haven't been in touch.

My husband's threats are verbal. He has been getting my daughter to do the physical attacks. She is suffering greatly. I have been cracking round the edges like a dam, and she is responding as though by proxy for her father. He condones her violence against me and told me I have a disease of provocation. My daughter and I have been massively upset by what has been going on. I am really worried for her that my husband is teaching her to beat up her mother when she doesn't get her way. My daughter doesn't want this. That much is abundantly clear.

That is appalling. How old is she?

The house belongs to both of us. No mortgage. I've had a glass of wine instead of valium tonight.

She's 13 now. My other daughter is 11. My husband 'prefers' the younger child. She internalises things but is no less vulnerable.

You do need to leave call woman's aid they'll help you

I have been in contact with WA and have an IDVA.I have been in contact with her as well. I have contacted my solicitor to let her know too. The mental health services have been in touch with me too. They are busy trying to diagnose me and are not actually hearing that I live with a husband who condones violence, and is using my daughter to do his dirty work, and who wishes me dead. My daughter is having a horrible time and my husband has given her the Evil Eye. She told me.

I will ask about refuge in the morning.

It would be a sensible decision.

Do you have both DDs safe with you, now?

Can you speak to a relevant health or social car professional, and request an emergency DASH assessment or risk assessment?
If your score is high enough your case will be forwarded for discussion at a MARAC panel. The higher the score the greater the support in terms of advice and resources.
Also contact WA they will signpost you re immediate help in getting to a safer place. Which you need to do urgently.

The problem is that refuges are so severely underfunded at the moment (some are closing entirely), that they are very hard to get space in. People are being turned away even in cases of severe physical violence, because there is literally no room. If I were you I would seek help to remove him from the family home instead.

Can I ask how your husband gets your Dd to physically assault you? Does he tell her to or wind her up so she takes it out in you. I am asking because the latter is all too familiar with me and to reassure you my Dd who was prone to this is now my closest ally. Get help and get out.

He winds her up. I think she has some recognition of this but can't cope. She hates it. That much I do know. I know I can go through the civil courts to get an order. If my husband's behaviour is criminal I would prefer to get my statements in order.