Dating, is there a sign?

[1DAD2KIDS]

So I have dipped my toe into dating again. Online dating is easy in the fact that at least you the people your talking to are also looking to date. But I don't like it for various reasons. So what about going old school and meeting people the old fashioned way in everyday life? My problem is how do you know the people your interested in are available? Its not the same as when I was teens/early 20s. All the women I have interest in naturally are attached in my 30s age group. Its really nice getting to know someone new and I have seen the clear flirtation both ways only to later down the road find they are attached. It is a little frustrating. Feels like I am on the dating scene at a terrible stage in life. So I often think how handy it would be if there was some kind of subtle sign that someone is single to help save time and embarrassment. For example I know in swinger circles some women wear ankle bracelets in everyday life as a secret code to those in the know that they are available (with the full consent of their husband/partner). I also remember as a youth there used to be traffic light arm band parties. Red band indicating not interested, yellow indicating may be interested in meeting someone, Green indicating definitely up for finding someone. Sadly there is no such indications in everyday life to indicate if someone is available. Unless there is and I am unaware (if so please share)? Failing this is there any obvious indications signs or do I just have to do things the hard way?

There isn't a sign. There are many signs.
I'm sorry but it is a minefield. And there's no easy way. Come along and join us on Dating Thread 122 if you'd like to be enlightened further.

I'm going to phone my daughter and check whether she really wants to wear that ankle bracelet!

Once upon a time you'd sidle along some sticky floor, up to someone in a smokey, dingy basement bar, brandishing a pack of Silk Cut and ask for a light, and take it from there. It was all so easy back then.

Ahh, those were the days.

Ankle bracelets, say what now?

Have you tried the single groups on meetups? Here they are arranged by age groups.

I hear you, late 30s for me is a terrible age to date again, especially as I hate OLD. I've settled myself to be single forever or at least until the kids move out

Dalphidol I defiantly have thought about putting life on hold till the kids grow up and move out. But early 30s and both of them under 7 I would have a long wait (especially if the housing situation is still unaffordable for the young then). Its like everyone my age is all hooked up or hitched. I have not hear of singles meet up groups. Maybe I should investigate, although I don't know the concept feels a bit cringy and unorganic. But is suppose there is only one way to find out.

ConorMcGregorsChin I have looked at the dating thread before but I cant keep up, there's is so many different conversations going on, updates and code. Plus I didn't know if its a ladies space were I would be welcome?

MyBrilliantDisguise I don't think the ankle bracelet is wide spread in popular culture but it may result one day in a guy or girl or couple getting the wrong end of the stick and asking some maybe forward/bizarre questions. She hasn't got and charms on it, certain charms can indicate certain things?

FoxyinherRoxy I have never smoked (well bar a bit of herb in my teens) so I would have been shit out in the day. In the old days I remember not smoking was rubbish as everyone would abandon you for a smoke and expect you to watch the table and the drinks.

Yeh, I mean the days when you didn't have to leave your pint to go for a smoke. Like, WAY back 😄

Maybe you haven't found the right dating site? I struck gold on Guardian Soulmates (which is great for us oldies, or if you live in London). One first day But I reckon there so many other sites, there's bound to be someone on one of them, no?

Going out just seems like such hard work as it is, but going out in a bit to meet someone...? I'd rather stay in with the kids if I'm honest.

Mine aren't much older so it will be a long wait for me I haven't been to one of the single groups myself but have heard through the meetup coffee group I do go to occassionally it's a bit of a shagathon, here anyway I have hope, if anything life's taught me is that sometimes you meet people in the most unexpected places without even trying.

FoxyinherRoxy the smoking ban played havoc with my social life and access to juicy information and gossip. On the other hand at least I no longer smell like an ashtray at the end of an evening. So these single groups how/who organises them?

Dalphidol I'm kind of hoping on that one just landing on my lap unexpectedly scenario, but who knows.

So these singles groups how/who organises them?

Swingers wear ankle bracelets, are u sure?? I've been wearing mine all summer & not had any strange inappropriateness...

As for dating try the Tinder app, it's not just for hook ups, I've had an actual relationship from it & know a couple getting married who met on it.
It's so easy to use.
I'm 41 & ive set my age boundaries from 29 to 49 but tbh I prefer men my age or a bit younger eg mid 30s.

Tinder is linked to Facebook but you can select which photos you use & write a short bio. Select your age boundaries & your distance boundaries & swipe away!

Facebook is actually good for meeting up too... I know 3 married couples who met on FB.
Basically you can get chatting or make friends linked to mutual interests - I've made friends & even got dates from photography groups, fossil collecting groups (I can be a bit geeky), political pages, old school acquaintances & work colleagues.
If u like someone you just he chatting on messenger.

Also try the gym & join mixed sex classes like circuits or running groups, or do paddle boarding or kayaking if u live near the sea.

The dating thread on here is for anybody who needs a bit of support with dating. Ergo the questions you're asking.
Why not join a meet up group in something that you're interested in as opposed to a singles meetup group? That way you'll achieve the meeting someone more organically which you've referred to?

As for the "sign" if somebody is single?errrr nope there isn't one.

Good luck !!

The person that set up the group is the one that runs them. I agree though there are lots of interest groups that it might not seem so clichéd and forced. I actually met my last ex online but not OLD through a common interest group. The one before that was an old friend through fb and we are now very close friends even though it didn't work out dating. I suppose the internet does have it's place Off to have a nose at the dating thread now.

I'm 50 and my DD's 8 so by that reckoning I'm completely past it!
I'm OLD and its horrendous

This is what Facebook is for, like someone, secret check on Facebook for a relationship status. That's how I found out anyway back when I was single (10 years ago).

The only other way would be through conversation over time, someone will mention a partner eventually, or you'll find out through mutual friends they're not single. Making friends with attached women who have single friends who might be interested in you could be a plan.

Non-single women do like to chat too and be friendly, they're not doing it to lead you on or waste your time. Just being a human, talking to another human.

tehmina23 the ankle bracelet is a deffinitatly a thing. It often is what's refered to as a 'hot wife. This is a woman in a long term relationship who has the permission of their other half to see others. Sometimes may have the initials HW or certain charms to help indicate to others but a plain ankle bracelet is also a sign. But there are not many swingers out there so the chances of bumping into one that is intrested in aprochimg you base on ankle ware is slim I guess.

I have tried tinda. The app is very buggy for me and keeps failing. Often its hard to tell if someone your talking to has donenthe normal falling of the face of the earth trick of if it's just not working again.

My Facebook as always been on the low key and I use an alias due to my former career and not wanting 100s of lose acquaintances wanting to add me. So my fb is only for a very select few friends and family.

Because of my shift work and the kids I can't get to classes. When I go to the gym it's normally just before the school run and no classes at that time and very quiet. The irony was when I was married (and not a single parent) I used to go to classes at a different small independent gym. I would often be the only male and as I got to know the regulars I know many of them were single. I think I had some interest but I was very much off the market.

NurseButtercup I may check the dating thread again, see if I can make sense of it.

Dalphidol I will keep looking inbthe unexpected places.

MooPointCowsOpinion I like the concept of friends putting the feelers out. It seemed to work well for my parents generation. Many older couples I know were introduced/set up by mates. But in all my friendships groups everyone is already coupled/hitched/starting families and so are their friends and family of the same age. I have already been there and got the t-shirt.

I was trying to say I had been lead on per se. These people are nice and not dicks. But like you say we are all human. It's nice to have great conversation and even be flirty when attached. Who doesn't love great interact. Just obviously when you don't know someone's relationship status it can be a mind field.

Not trying to say*

Isn't there ways of "softly"asking without directly asking ? (I don't know if anyone remembers The Office episode when an attractive woman starts work, Tim asks "oh you've just moved up, oh cool, was it,eh, your mum or dad who helped you?" And weird pushy Gareth goes "DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND THEN?" of course she ends dating Tim)

Essentially , asking questions about things like practical living details/Christmas/nights out/hobbies, and then you can "probe" a bit in a non- aggressive way?

"you've been on holiday? Where did you go?"

"Oh, France? lovely, who did you go with?"

Of course some people are a bit shady and will try and represent themselves as unattached if they're not? But it's a start.

ps I was looking at ankle bracelets earlier on eBay

I'd subscribe with the gym class point however, I get your issues in getting there. OLD is the only answer I can suggest. Don't give up hope

I have re-launched my self on OLD and it is proving very successful. This time around there seems to be a great selection, I am getting lots of intrest and very positive replies/conversations. But my experience is that often these things hit dead ends and go quiet in the end, so I am still sceptical. The biggest problem I suppose is now I have is too much choice and if any of these will progress in a date. But it's deffiently a confidence boost some of the nice feedback I'm getting. Someone asked me honestly why are you still single? I thought that was nice. Still I wouldn't say OLD my cup of tea and I am still a sceptic.