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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

strange, strange behaviour from friend I went to visit.

7 replies

shouldaknownbetter · 14/09/2017 17:20

I went to stay with an old friend recently, she lives quite far away so we only see each other every few months, but were texting/messengering daily at one point and I'd say we are in at least weekly contact usually.

She does have alcohol issues.. I'd say borderline alcoholism in that she seems to drink all the time when I see her and cannot stop, one time we were at a festival and she disappeared and I found her in the welfare tent she'd drunk herself into a stupor and been brought there by someone who found her. Just to give an example.

Anyway we were going to a gig together on the Saturday, this was my idea some time back and the tickets were quite expensive and I'd been looking forward to it for a long time.

I have to say.. she totally ruined it. She got drunk to the point of obnoxiousness, argued with the bouncers on the door, argued with me, I said I didn't want to go into the crowds straight away as I can get claustrophobic and need to work my way in, she started arguing with me over something small and then, as i was getting something out of her rucksack (as i'd put some of my things in there) she announced she was going off to dance and stormed straight into the crowd without a backwards glance.

So now I have all her stuff, phone, money keys etc and don't know what to do. I hung around near the toilets like we'd agreed we would if we got lost, no sign, I phoned another friend and said I was really upset with her and the other friend said I could stay at hers.
Mutual friend then found out she'd already left and gone to another friend's house, she didn't try to phone me from the other friend's house (who has my number) or even her own phone to tell me what was happening. So I could have stayed at the gig site for ages worrying she was stranded.

Mutual friend then picked me up from the gig, got my stuff from her house and got her stuff back to her at the other friend's house whilst I stayed at mutual friend's... all this time she never asked where I was or if I was ok.

The next day she phoned up mutual friend complaining that I'd gone off with her stuff and locked her out and she was cheesed off about it! (i was asleep when she rang)

I tried to phone her back when I was awake but she refused to speak to me. She is still refusing to speak to me now, five days later, saying she 'doesn't want an argument'.

I just want to discuss what happened and for her to acknowledge the part she played . she doesn't want to admit any wrongdoing I don't think.

I'm quite principled and don't like to be taken a fool of, I'm thinking now to just leave it with this friend as she's no friend of mine if she can treat me like that, but am I over reacting?

I have quite a high standard for respect in relationships/friendships and feel like she's breached my boundary on this occasion. What do you think?

OP posts:
BackieJerkhart · 14/09/2017 17:27

I think you were asking for trouble going to a gig with someone who you already knew gets beyond pissed and disappears out of sight for long periods. Did you expect something different to happen this time? She is an alcoholic.

shouldaknownbetter · 14/09/2017 17:30

I can forgive the going off thing, but not the leaving site and not bothering to contact me or see how I was, or speak to me the next day (or since).

OP posts:
MapMyMum · 14/09/2017 17:30

I doubt she's going to change so Id chalk it up to experience and stay away from her

springydaffs · 14/09/2017 17:31

Borderline alcoholic? Maybe full blown alcoholic.

Yes she treated you badly. If she's an alcoholic in active addiction she won't give a flying fuck about anything or anyone, only the booze. She definitely won't want to be meeting you to take responsibility for treating you badly.

Dust yourself off. Don't for one minute take it personally.

shouldaknownbetter · 14/09/2017 17:32

I've come to the conclusion that she's utterly selfish.. every conversation is about herself and times like this have shown me that she doesn't actually really give a crap about my experience or my feelings. It's a shame as she wasn't always so, but when you have a long distance friendship and only see someone every now and then, the cost alone of travelling taking time off work etc means that if you're not going to have a good time, it's not worth it.

OP posts:
troodiedoo · 14/09/2017 17:35

Sounds like she has a serious drink problem. You can't rely on her for anything. Up to you whether you want to maintain the friendship and support her if/when she acknowledges the issue and wants to do something about it.

BackieJerkhart · 14/09/2017 17:39

I've come to the conclusion that she's utterly selfish.

All alcoholics are.

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