His moods are driving me insane! Am I being selfish?

[wishesandkisses]

My partner has had a number of health problems in the past year. He was diagnosed with a fatty liver (from past drinking) and he has recently had blood tests that say it has got a little worse. Which I admit must be awful to hear.

However, after each setback by the doctors he goes in moods for weeks on end. I appreciate that it may make him feel rubbish and I know that withdrawing may feel like his only option. However, he becomes snappy and moody and picky. When friends come to visit he sits in his chair and ignores them. Theyre lucky to get a hello and im embarassed! When i suggest cancelling visits he tells me not to. He snipes at me constantly for little things and is more snappy with me and his son. For example, weve just started walking to the shop with our son and I've brought the dog. And he's been snapping and sniping that I've brought him, even though I am holding him and poo picking etc. After about 400 yrds I had enough and said I'm going home. He didn't even react. I'm at the end of my tether. When I try talk about it, he never responds. When I try cheer him up and act normal or do nice things for him he barely looks up. This has been going on and off for months and I'm wondering how much I can justify on him being poorly. I don't want this affecting our son. He has been diagnosed with severe depression in the past but he won't go to the doctors now to get himself sorted. How can I help someone who won't help themselves?

I'm sat waiting for them to come home but I honestly feel like grabbing my son and the dog and going to my mum's house because I feel that I'm going to snap very soon. Any advice will be appreciated.

He has been diagnosed with severe depression in the past but he won't go to the doctors now to get himself sorted. How can I help someone who won't help themselves?
I was going to suggest depression.
You cannot help him if he won't help himself.
If he was agreeing to see a GP and get help then I would suggest trying for a bit longer.
But... he's not doing that.
He's taking all this out on you and your DS.

Grab your DS and the dog and your DM's house.
You need a break and some head space.
So do it for your own sanity.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What has kept you at all with such an individual?. Did you really try and act as either his rescuer or saviour here; why did you get involved with him?.

If you do not want this affecting your son you are ultimately going to have to leave this man. Take your son and your dog and go to your mother's with a view to making a life without him it. He does not want your help or support and you cannot help anyone who does not want to help themselves. I would leave him to it.

Do you think he has been self medicating with alcohol?. Alcohol is a depressant.

How old is his son, what does he think of his dad?.

Inbetween these times he's just the best, most thoughtful supportive person ever. He's the dream. He's the best dad. He's come home now and is being the best dad. He's my son's favourite person. But I'm losing patience with his moods.

I'm aware of his problems with alcohol, I'm a drugs/alcohol councillor. But if I bring that up I'm getting at him. I haven't gone to my mum's but not said a word since he got back.

Abusive people can be charm personified when the mood takes them but its an act and one they cannot keep up indefinitely. He will revert to type soon enough and do you really want your child seeing this frankly crap model of a relationship?.

Women in abusive relationships too often write versions of the he is a good dad comment when they themselves can think of NOTHING positive to write about their man. As you have yourself done here.

I think boundaries have become blurred here given the fact you are a drugs/alcohol counsellor yourself. Why did you become at all involved with such a person; did you really think you could rescue him?. You need to ask yourself why you became involved with him at all. Such relationships can also become mired in codependency.

The 3cs re alcoholism are:-
You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this

That's is ridiculous, being ill or worse does not give you a licence to treat people like crap; especially when there's children having to witness it.

Tell him you've had enough, you should not tolerate that kind of treatment.

We have had a talk. He's apologised and said he will try be more open and less snappy. Also agreed to the doctors. Time will tell

Also these problems have started since his illness has. We have been together 6 years and this has been for 8 months. What drew me to him was him.

"We have had a talk. He's apologised and said he will try be more open and less snappy. Also agreed to the doctors. Time will tell"

Words are cheap. He has told you simply perhaps what you want to hear. His actions to date are far more telling.

Is this really the environment you want to be raising your son in?.