Why do I feel like this?

[Sallee30]

Hi.
I really don't know what is wrong with me and I need people to give me a kick up the arse.
I split up from ex partner beginning of the year. During the relationship he cheated, stole, took drugs and gambled. I finally left with our son who is 3 and started again, from scratch with nothing.
Since then my little boy has had no contact from my partner..he keeps saying he will take him out, but doesn't. Doesn't pay any maintence as he claims he has no money (but can afford cocaine). I can't take him to csa as he is currently classed as unemployed..although I know he is making mega bucks each week doing jobs on the side. I have since found out he was using cocaine when looking after his daughter from previous relationship and when he sent one of many texts asking to see my son (knowing full well he never turns up) I said no- and I'm portrayed as crazy by people in my town as everyone views as this "jack the lad with a heart of gold". I haven't told people the truth even though I really want to shame him and tell people I'm not the bad one.
I blocked him on all social media as he was hounding me for one more chance. He then proceeded to message one of my friends saying if I didn't talk to him he was going to put "photographs" of me all over the internet. (I'm guessing when we were together, don't judge! It's most certainly not my lady garden).

Anyways to cut a long story short this man is vile. My heart is broken after what him and his family have put my son through. I HATE HIM. Everytime I looked at my son for a while I broke down when he asked where daddy was and what time he was coming for him.
Since then though (I haven't heard from him in a couple of weeks) I've been told he's in a relationship. And I feel like I've been kicked. I'm absolutely guttered and keep thinking about the beginning when it was good.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I would never have this man back and I've fought so hard to make a life for my son without him. I just don't understand why I feel so upset about this?

I get fed up of hearing about guys like this, ladies if you partner up with someone shady do society and other women a favour and report them!!

You are in mourning for a relationship that never was. He wasn't that person from the beginning of the relationship...that was just the honeymoon period when Crippen would appear to be a lovely all-round solid bargain of a human being...rose-coloured glasses being what they are. His current relationship won't last, he already has 2 kids by two mothers...it is not a great reference for a future boyfriend. Feel grateful that you have a lovely child out of this mess, and he is not fighting you for access so you don't have to worry about child protection when Dad has him for the weekend and goes on a drug bender. Stop worrying what other people think of you...pat yourself on your back for ditching a loser boyfriend and raising your child alone.

I appreciate the money situation must be frustrating but you could report him to the DWP for undeclared earnings (anonymous phone call). If they pull his bank accounts and see he is living on more than JSA then it could make his life a bit uncomfortable, including sanctions.

It's natural to feel upset.
Odd, as you say, but natural.
You wouldn't have been with him in the first place if he was all bad.
You are remembering the good first bit, knowing his new GF is getting that.
But know this.... the new gf will get the 'real' him soon enough.
These types don't change.

If he threatens pictures again then report to the police.
Revenge porn is now a crime!

Well done on sorting your life out without this fuckwit!
Try not to dwell on it, hard as that may be.
Onwards and upwards OP!

What's wrong with you is you've been put through the mill and are suffering emotional trauma. You will get over it in time. Don't beat yourself up about it, you're only human. I also think you shouldn't feel so reserved about being more open and honest with people about exactly what kind of man your ex is. Feeling like you have to keep it all a secret is just putting additional stress on you. Sure, some people may side against you but others will step up and support you. That's when you find out who your real friends are.