When you know it's over but you just can't let go

[LEMtheoriginal]

I'm not usually brave enough to post here and I apologise but I have another thread in chat.

Right now I feel my life is falling apart. So much crap and he just can't be there for me. I've basically poisoned him over the years.

But it's not about blame. It's About what you do when you loved each other so very much. You still do but you know deep down you'll never return to how things were. You love each other but know it's dead.

I can't see how we can split as financially impossible . Dd12 adores her dad and he is a wonderful dad. He adores her. His love for her is wonderful. I would need to be the one to leave. But selfishly I can't do it.

It's over I know this but I still love him

Anyone?

By accepting that love doesn't conquer all and marriage isn't an altar to sacrifice your self respect and happiness. You don't say much about the other party in the marriage? A good marriage needs the constructive input of both parties.

Splitting is hard, especially when you still care for someone but it isn't Impossible (that's the whole point of divorce) and the obstacles you list are difficult to overcome but aren't insurmountable.

He's just got up and gone downstairs without a word. I feel broken

It may feel your D is closer to him than you but you are probably the constant , the go too when ill or worried.
Don't walk away from her there's even 50/50 custody.
But make him leave. You need to give your D a reason. Be honest , dad has found another partner who he is in love with. He needs to be with her. Saying like this is not saying it like you hate him just truth facts. She needs to know the man.
Staying together will be toxic. Looking after you is the right thing. You can't be in this. But don't leave the house. Don't. Make him leave.

He hasn't net someone else

Stop blaming yourself.

Are you saying it's him and his behaviour towards you that indicates he doesn't love you?

I don't even know where to start. I still love him

Sandy it's everything. We went through a lot and I have anxiety. He can't cope with it and If ever I break down his reaction is spiteful and cold. It's not his fault. It's not mine. It just is.

I do but I think he doesn't.

We spoke today. We are going to make a go of things. Please God we can make it work.

The devils in the detail, what does 'making a go of it' mean. I'm glad you are talking, that's a positive but constructively you both need outside support because love doesn't conquer all and your current dynamic is toxic.

Recognising that at times we both behave badly and to try not to. And as cliche as it sounds we are going to make more time for each other. We never get any. Dd is 12 and for lots of reasons we can't leave her with anyone. So evenings out either include her or we don't go. So once a month on my day off Dp is going to take a day to spend with me.

I need to watch my anxiety as it is high and as such the volume of the voices in my head is very high. They say nasty things or just reinforce my anxieties at that time.

It's not a lot but we have stated that we want it to work. I offered the option of staying together until dd leaves school but neither of us want that.

We are in a rut and it's not great but we at least want to try.

Honestly, you sound all over the place. Have you been to see a GP about your anxiety? They could be very helpful in getting your anxiety under control, they may also offer you counselling or something along those lines. You sound very unhappy,