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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Frustrated!

6 replies

tigercub50 · 13/09/2017 23:30

It wasn't an argument but DH has denied saying something that he definitely said (I know he said it because I picked him up on it straight away). He used to do it a lot but this is the first time in quite a while. I don't get why he does it, especially as it wasn't an argument but a discussion & it didn't put him in the wrong to say it.
To explain - DD can get quite physical with DH & I sometimes think he isn't firm enough with her when he tells her to stop. So I raised the subject & said that I wasn't sure she knew that he was serious & he said " There's no need to shout or get cross with her".I hadn't mentioned those words so immediately said that wasn't what I meant. Just after that he denied saying it! He then said that we both deny we've said stuff. Well, I must admit that I sometimes can't remember what I've said in anger but this was a calm discussion & he was denying it straight away rather than much later on. What was the point? He perhaps saw what I was saying as criticism but I want DD to know that certain behaviours aren't acceptable (DH & I both do & have talked about all this at length).
Later he told me I was making too much of it & it didn't really matter who said what. I guess in the grand scheme of things what matters is how we sort DD's behaviour but I can't seem to get past this denial. I wish I could record him! Any thoughts & does anyone else's OH do this? ( I really don't think it's gaslighting as such because it doesn't make me think I'm going crazy but it is very frustrating)

OP posts:
tigercub50 · 13/09/2017 23:54

Anyone up?

OP posts:
tigercub50 · 14/09/2017 01:15

Any night owls?

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tigercub50 · 14/09/2017 08:34

Any thoughts this morning? I realised that I had misinterpreted what DH meant & actually he wasn't implying that I had said those words. Still don't get why he denies stuff though! He often brings things back to us disagreeing but I just can't seem to get through to him that he's missing the point. We can discuss things without disagreeing or even if we do, that's ok. I wasn't disagreeing with him yesterday, just wondering if he had the best approach.

OP posts:
fessmess · 14/09/2017 08:42

Gaslighting is what springs to mind.

tigercub50 · 14/09/2017 08:52

But why? As I said, I can't see that he would gain anything, well not in this particular case. In the past I could see that he was doing it because he didn't want to admit he was in the wrong or whatever. But this didn't really gain anything. If it is gaslighting then what do I do?

OP posts:
tigercub50 · 14/09/2017 11:10

Can I bump a message up?

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