Affair. House. Head burner. Long.

[Cuntlingfuckaduck]

Where to start ?
2013 I get pregnant with second dc. Been with dh 7 years. Suspect an affair is happening and find out in April 2014 I was right! Dc was then 6 weeks old.
I listened to the script..... did the pick me dance (so wish I'd come across mumsnet during this time) had some hysterical bonding blah blah. Other woman pissed off got her claws into some other chump got married popped a kid out ECT. She's out of the picture completely.
Fast forward to now 2017 me and dh bought our first home after the affair, both our names on the mortgage (I'm a fucking idiot I know), what I'm asking is if we were to split what happens to the house ? I would defiantly be leaving and him staying no doubt about that, can't say why as it's a Bit outing. Id go back to my mums and child care would be 50 50. I work 20 plus hours a week .... would I be able to rent privately? With my name being on a mortgage I didn't know if this was possible?
I'm stuck I love him... but I'm sure he's only here for the kids, I don't want to carry on being misrable and I'm pretty sure he is too. He'd never say because he's rubbish at communication so we are just plodding along..... it's not healthy. He was remorseful about the affair cried begged ECT (i still wanna kick his head in) but it doesnt make up for it does it ? Its been 4 years now I should be less bitter but tbh I'm awful, not to him, I'm just a careless unsympathetic person nowa days I'm numb, my self esteem is in the shitter, it still hurts to think about it.
Just needed to get this off my chest. I'm a closed book and don't offload to anyone.

It sounds like your relationship is dead. You don't appear to have recovered from his affair.

Can you get some legal and financial advice? You really need that with the way you are currently feeling.

tbh I'm awful, not to him, I'm just a careless unsympathetic person nowa days I'm numb, my self esteem is in the shitter - is it worth a visit to your GP to discuss this? Could you be depressed and need some treatment? Is this "careless, unsympathetic person" to everyone, dc included? If it is then please go and speak to your gp about it.

Don't think you would be able to rent privately as landlords(most), seem v strict now days..full credit check..references from bank, work, and sometimes personal..they require a month up front plus deposit (sometimes as much as 2 months rent for deposit), however if you have all this it may be ok..only working 20 ish hrs may be a drawback tho unless it's someone you know you could rent off or you have a guarantor..is there no way you could exit him n get him to pay at least half mortgage?..men are shits sometimes!

Sorry about your situation, sounds really horrible and that you have been living this way for so long! Have you looked into Relate? They do separation counselling as well (as I understand it) so could help you both communicate- especially him- and plan for access etc.

PS my partner cheated on me while was pg too. Fucking twats aren't they!

If your name is on the mortgage suggest you need to seek legal advice. I assume you are unable to take over the mortgage yourself, so you would both have to sell the house or he would have to buy you out.. This would need to be completed via solicitor and bank. If your name is on the mortgage you are still liable to pay it. I would sort all this before looking at buying or renting a new property. You could sort all this as part of the divorce. Seek professional advice