Do I ask him to leave?

[SurfaceThroughTheWaves]

DP and my relationship is struggling.
I've found evidence that he's likely being taken to court for debt. I'm currently on mat leave and the amount of post we were getting really ramped up, so I googled the postcodes on the back. Debt agencies. I snooped and looked in his bag and there's a county court claim form. He had to reply within 14 days, I don't know if he has replied or not

He's been demoted at work to the tune of £3k a year and not told me. £3k is a lot of money to us. But yet he won't cut down how much he pays on sky, he wants the new iPhone that's coming out etc etc. Basically he is shit with money. I don't want bailiffs knocking at the door, and if he carries on like this it could happen.

He could fix it all if he dealt with his debts, he could save our relationship if he talked to me about it, faced up to what's going wrong and took action, I'd respect him for it. But he's a stubborn fucker and I don't think he will. There are other issues, basically I'm tired of doing all the thinking, the sorting, the wife work.
I'm worth more than how he treats me, aside from the debt issues. There is work to be done.

I'm on mat leave, DS is 12 weeks. If I ask him to leave I would have to go back to work within the next 4 weeks or so in order to pay the bills (the house is mine), depending on how quickly he left the house.

My issues are I want him to talk to me about the debt, but I don't want to be the one who fixes it, I will support him, but he needs to do it.

If he won't do that then I think we're over, but I don't want to go back to work yet, I know it's selfish but I want to spend time with DS while he's still small. He's probably going to be my only child and it's precious. We had agreed that I would be off for 8 months, we could afford this. Part of me thinks, well just stay with him til you're ready to go back and then ask him to go, but that's cruel.

I don't know what to do.

Well, firstly you don't want to be involved in his debt, will it go by your home address ?
You can't kiss it better, he has to want to sort it out, but this appears to not be the case.
Do you have family who will help out, with your baby.
Don't let the grass grow under your feet, get him out.

I don't know if I should give him the chance to fix it by telling him what I know, it might push him to actually confront it. But then again it's not my responsibility to show him how to grown up properly.

Yeah the post comes to my house, we live together but it's my house, mortgaged, my name on the deeds.

I've talked it through with mum and sister and they're supportive of whatever happens really, they have my back, my mum would be able to help with some aspects of childcare, i.e. In emergencies, but DS would have to go into nursery. Which I have found one I like which has spaces.

I feel like I'm checking out of the relationship already, which probably tells me a lot.

I think you need to talk to him about this. Whilst they can't take your belongings/house, it will leave your address with a poor credit reference and obviously you will be in dire straits financially if debt collectors are sniffing round and there are CCJs flying round.

None of the debts are in my name all his, I don't really know much about how debts work to be honest and that scares me. I know that as we're linked through the address it will have a knock ok effect on my (excellent at the minute) credit rating.

It pisses me off that I have to be the one to bring it up, why isn't our life, our sons future enough of an reason to want to deal with things. I know it's hard to admit you've fucked up, but it needs doing. I'm sick of being the only adult in the relationship, being the one who sorts everything out.

Well in that case, you will be better off alone.
When, and if, he sorts himself out, you can consider a possible future with him. For now, safeguard your home and your future.
He is an adult, and is aware of the risks he is taking, not good enough.
I'm sorry you are having to endure this, but thankfully, you sound clued up, and on the ball.

Can I just say, debt doesn't affect an address, there's no such thing as blacklisting addresses, it's purely based on the individual.

The only comeback on your address is if CCJ goes ignored and to the bailiffs, they will knock on your door if the debt is registered there in his name to collect payment.

It won't affect your credit history unless you have joint debts or have guarantored anything for him.

I wouldn't ask him to leave, I would tell him to leave. You can't trust him. Tell him to take his dumpster fire of a life and get it the hell away from you before it takes you down with him.

Thanks good to know about the address business, thank you.
I think I need to take myself off to the CAB to do some information gathering.
And no, I can't trust him. We've got £33 to last until the 25th of the month which is to buy formula and nappies. Fucking idiot.

No worries, I just wanted to put your mind at rest regarding the debt issue. Good luck with everything 🌷

No it definitely helped. I think I need to find out about how he could deal with the debts and how it would impact us.

He will have a set amount of time to respond to the CCJ, that's the most important. He can make an offer of a monthly payment and they are usually good with accepting it.

As long as he doesn't stop paying that it will be ok although the CCJ will show on his file for 6 years (5 in Scotland)

The other debt, he can make offers and request they freeze the interest. Some do, some don't. He will end up with defaults on his name but it's probably best he can't get any credit for a while. Might teach him a lesson.

The CAB can help with how to contact the creditors etc if he's not comfortable doing it himself.