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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex and mutual 'friends'

2 replies

lili3 · 13/09/2017 15:55

Hi, I am a regular lurker but don't really post, am hoping it is ok to ask a question about something I am struggling to get my head around. I spend enough time offloading on friends in real life and would like some impartial advice please!

I separated from my emotionally abusive, controlling ex at Christmas after a really nasty couple of years. All the usual issues with these kind of people, no emotional support from him, no practical support with our young kids, his alcohol issues, threatened violence etc.

Anyway, leaving was 100% right thing to do, and one friend in particular was very keen for me to leave him, actually pushed me to actually go in the end etc. Her and her husband witnessed more of what went on than anyone else and were horrified by how he behaved.

Her husband works for my ex, which I appreciate complicates things. Whilst she was initially very supportive her contact became less and less frequent. This started to play on my mind so I asked her if it was now a problem for her to be friends with me and she said that yes, she was finding it awkward actually and didn't want me to talk about the ex to her if we did meet up.

I understand that it's awkward for people in the middle, and actually I had never said anything to her that I wasn't happy to be repeated to my ex. However I now hear that her and her husband regularly hang out with my ex, and I am 99% sure the ex will be talking to them about me.

I'm not really sure what I'm posting, but am I wrong to feel hurt that she seems to prefer to stay in contact with him than me, especially considering what she knows about how he treated me?

OP posts:
DownTownAbbey · 13/09/2017 16:08

I've been in your shoes and (some) people have short memories. Couple that with the financial/career element and these people have a vested interest in cozying up to your ex. Time has passed for them and your experience is all in the past as far as they're concerned.

I'm sorry to say that they are no longer your friends. Acquaintances, if you can deal with their switch in allegiance, but no more than that.

I'd back away from them if I were you.

lili3 · 13/09/2017 16:36

That's very true, thank you. I have backed well away, just feels strange when you have been so close to someone doesn't it. I thought this person in particular was above being motivated purely by money but I guess I was wrong!! Thank you for replying X

OP posts:
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