Changes over the course of 10 years

[Tiba]

What would you think your partner thought of you if this was the course of your sex life over 10 years -

Early years - standard amount of sex. Nothing extraordinary. Not a lot. Maybe 1-3 times a week at the most.
Mostly initiated by the female.

About mid way in a year and a half of no sex at all, instigated by the male without any reason.
When pushed for a reason it was stated that the female was slightly larger and less attractive than what male liked, female had put on weight, maybe 2 dress sizes.
Later years, sex came back. Was mixed initiation. Back to 1-3 times a week.
Last year, sporadic if best.

This is obviously not a lot of information to go on, and it's about a past relationship that I still wonder about.

Was I unattractive to him?
Why did he stay with me?
When I ended things why did he find it such a shock?
I considered at one point he could be gay. Not so sure as I saw his porn collection and was definitely heterosexual.
Could the year without sex been a time he was having an affair?
Or might he have been depressed?

What would go through your mind?

It's a past relationship.

it's past for a reason.

Don't waste time thinking about this. Move on.

Lower sex drive, performance fear, passive aggression, can't be arsed, etc. It was his choice, don't beat yourself up. X

Shatner MN is built on a firm foundation of women analysing their relationships!

Different things can affect the male sex drive. A lot of people can't just go through with it, if they are no longer attracted to their partner. His feelings were his & you can't argue a feeling.

It sounds like you were incompatible & ex's for a reason.

Shatner MN is built on a firm foundation of women analysing their relationships!
This is so true When I first met my DH, and before we started going out, I spent the whole evening analysing why my previous boyfriend had dumped me. At the end of my angst-ridden analysis, my future DH said in a bemused tone, "As I see it, he just didn't want to go out with you any more, and dumped you. His loss." And that was it!

I'd spent the previous six months or longer obsessing on it, and suddenly I realised there was no point! It was in the past. Why are you still wondering?

The part with no sex could have been because he was using too much porn, he was having health problems but ignoring them, he was over stressed at work, or something else.

I doubt it was an affair because most people continue to have sex with their spouses when they are having affairs. (It's odd to me that there are studies about this, but there are).

I think people with low sex drives tend to underestimate how important sexual intimacy is to most people. You can even see it on threads here when women lose their sex drives due to caring for small children -- the tone becomes that the man should just live without sex.

I also think that both genders have the ability to fundamentally not hear what their partner is saying when they tell them over and over what they aren't happy about in the relationship. They hear it as just nagging or whining, rather than as a statement that they need to tend the relationship.

My DH knows many men who were completely shocked at the end of their relationship; men who came home from business trips and their wives had moved out, and they hadn't even realized there were problems. Yet, he's also said that men joke about how their wives whine about things all the time. It's almost as if there is a cultural believe that women will always be unhappy with their spouse, but that they will just hang about forever to do the shopping and laundry.