So sick of ex h's behaviour towards me

[Cat2014]

And I just don't know what to do about it. It's such a long story for you all to get the full Picture and I just haven't got the emotional energy to post it all but we are trying to avoid courts and I really want that, but my god he's making it difficult! Re access - won't discuss plans in advance then complains and wants to change them at the last minute! Consistently and without any niceness about his messages. I'm fed up with bending over backwards to keep it amicable, he clearly had nothing but contempt for me. But I really really want to avoid courts. It's so hard

If he isn't going to be reasonable or consistent about contact, then really that's what the court is for. You aren't "doing anything to him" by ensuring your kids have a stable routine. Maybe just let him know that if he can't be civil or consistent then he will be better off communicating via solicitor?

But you're not being amicable, your acquiescing. His motives and your motives for avoiding court are totally different, he's more concerned about losing his ability to control you.

Go to court, you can't stop him being a twat but you you can implement stronger boundaries to lessen the impact of his twatery on you and your children.