Should I maintain NC as well, even if I don't want to?
Backstory is, my ex has decades of form for going NC with friends and family due to them "disrespecting" him (his words).
Our own rs was fraught with him perceiving slights from me (I'm talking stuff like giving me silent treatment for days due to my not answering the phone to him while at work, not having the house clean enough, etc), so while I was somewhat sympathetic to how "awful" his family/friends were to him while we were together, I'm now much less convinced that the problem was anything but him.
He's been NC with them for 7 years. During that time our DC were born so they've never met their GPs, aunts, uncles or cousins. (He was originally NC with his parents only. The rest of the family got lumped in because they didn't follow suit.)
We split up 1.5 years ago. We are LC.
One of my ILs, his relative, who I was very close with before ex insisted I stop speaking to her (v painful at the time but I didn't dare, back then, argue with ex as he would have made my life hell), copied me on an email to ex, begging him to talk to her. Turns out he hasn't told his family we've split.
I think this is ridiculous and as such, replied (to her only) saying, Look I am so very sorry you're still going through this, but we've split, if you want to contact me separately, I'd love to catch up but please don't involve me in these emails anymore (I was nice about it but that's the summary).
Relative replied, saying she'd no idea we'd split and was so sorry she'd probably made it harder on me by copying me. And asked if she could call me, as she'd not heard my voice in years and missed me terribly.
We ended up having a call, catching up a little bit, talking about the children we'd had since the big NC (v emotional) while both of us were careful not to discuss ex as (we agreed) obviously that boundary has to remain in place because ex can't defend himself if I talk about what's gone on.
I didn't think it through very much at first, as tbh my heart just went out to her and I had a sudden impulse to call her. Now I'm going over it in my mind, wondering if IABU.
My ex and I have split, is it morally ok for me to be in contact with his family member, discuss our DC with her, maybe send her pics?
I can't decide if it's unethical, as I think I've still got it in my head how ballistic my ex would go if he knew.
But I'm LC with him and it's not his business anyway. Isn't it?
Am I in the wrong?