When is enough enough?

[sofalover]

I've been with my partner on and off for 3 yrs

We don't live together however the last year we have been trying to
( he has historic debt and we've struggled ) anyway start of the year, he has cleared his credit cards and over draft and his parents gave us deposit for a house
Cut a long story short it fell through

We ended up splitting up

I was far to stressed and although I love him I just feel my needs and my lo weren't getting thought of
Time after time after begging me to go back I did

I've just found out that the job he has been at this year, haven't paid him all of his wages, therefore he's had to dip into the deposit money to even live, so the deposit money is gone, he's maxed out his credit cards ( £4k on one and 3k on another and the last few weeks he has no money for food or petrol so I've had to lend it to him
( I work but I claim tax credits as I'm on a very low income )
I just feel very hurt that he didn't talk to me about how bad finances were which has now left me short
I've since lost my job and in shit street basically
We've had a chat and I've told him I just want him to he honest with me
As we were going to he buying a house together and IF it went through we would have lost it anyway

I feel sorry for him as he's not being paid but I also feel resentful that he's let it get to this.

All I'm doing is getting upset and we are arguing
Not good for any of us
And lo is going to pick up on it if not already
But I can't see the wood for the trees

I love him but I finished with him in the new year as his stress and moods made me miserable but at the same time I want to support him but I feel we just go round in circles

He was in debt this bad when I met him
He turned it around and now he's back there

Just want someone to talk to I guess as feel I don't have anyone

Thanks for reading x

Wake up

This man is a liability. He will drag you and your dc down with him if you let him

I bet that if he was getting his full pay, he would just buy a bigger car every 6 months and get himself into as much debt. He is not responsible enough to cut back when times are tough. You need to consider whether this is the future you want for you and your child.

Yes I think your right

he has expensive taste, his car is over £400 a month and he gets new every 6 months as he gets bored.
And then he doesn't have money for bread and milk????

He is a fool then.

He is saying he realises now but after trying to explain to him that it's too late ( he turned up to los gym class ) we had a chat there he is just saying all I do is repeat myself
Yes maybe I do but then I'm not in debt

Yes he is a fool I've told him that

Ridiculously expensive car that he can't bloody afford

So you ended it, right? Right?! If you didn't, what in the hell are you waiting for? It is so creepy and inappropriate for him to show up at your child's gym class after you telling him you didn't want to see him. He is gaslighting the fuck out of you, and he is desperate to keep your mind jumbled up in order to keep you doubting yourself. He is horrible.

I told him not to come over tonight as the plan was we were going to watch lo at gym then go back to mine but I told him not to bother
Then he turned up, we then had a chat as I wanted to tell him why I can't go on and he stormed off saying ok fine, I'm shit ( never said that) you always bring up I'm shit with money, I'm have a heart attack with all this stress
I can tell his stress is back and I said to him today, that led us to splitting up last time ! But he's too fired up to hear me out
He just thinks I am insulting him all the time but I've said I'm not I just don't want him making the same mistakes with his finances all the time
Thing is he's saying what do you want me to do, I'm leaving my job ( he's handing in his notice Friday as he's on annual leave this week) looking for new job which he's already had 2 offers so know he won't have a problem there but my issue is things won't change !

See what I mean? He's gaslighting you to make you stay and feel sorry for him. YOU are causing his stress, YOU always complain about money, YOU YOU YOU. It isn't you, it's HIM. Stop believing in all of his bullshit lies.

Just walk away already. You never would have posted here if you didn't already know you should leave him.

If you stand back you will see he's using tactics to stop you saying what he doesnt want to hear.

He doesn't care about your opinion.He doesn't care if you are stressed, it's all about him.

When you get out of this situation you will see how much of a drain this man has been to you.

There are better men out there.

You need to stop engaging with his mindfucking games. Doing that got you into this position.

The only way to change your life is to change your response to him. Make it no response at all and he can't outmanoevre you like he has been doing all along.