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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

spanking (not 50sog)

23 replies

alixxpartie · 12/09/2017 13:45

I don't think I can ask anywhere else.

spanking has been a big part of my relationship from the start, it doesn't really hurt and I do enjoy it.

but why? Why does it act as such a turn-on?

I feel guilty and a bit perverted to be totally honest. I only seem to properly enjoy sex when I'm being whacked around and surely that isn't normal.

OP posts:

Apileofballyhoo · 12/09/2017 13:57

As normal as anything else as long as it's done safely and both partners are comfortable with it.

Original poster

alixxpartie · 12/09/2017 14:04

is it normal for a man to want to hurt a woman he loves, though?

OP posts:

tropicalwaterdiver · 12/09/2017 14:14

It is not normal to hurt anyone, in love or not. If you asked regarding spanking, you said it doesn't hurt you and you enjoy it.

Roxb · 12/09/2017 14:15

You like it, it excites you, he gets a kick out of it because you're enjoying it. He's doing it because he knows you like it, not because he wants to hurt you.

Original poster

alixxpartie · 12/09/2017 14:16

I think he likes it anyway, it was him who started doing it not me!

It doesn't hurt but it's set up as if it should, which I know makes no sense!

OP posts:

FuckFaulkerILikeTheGruffalo · 12/09/2017 14:30

I think you should stop participating in this sort of thing until you figure out how you feel.

Think about how it started, if your partner had more power in the relationship at that time, were you enthusiastic, do you really need it to be turned on now, have you ever explored your sexuality by yourself?

If you're totally into it and have positive answers to a lot of different questions, don't feel guilty or weird. But if you're not happy with it after thinking about it you may find you have discovered a partner/relationship issue.

tropicalwaterdiver · 12/09/2017 14:31

If you don't like it, just stop doing it. I understand you feel conflicted...

cueless · 12/09/2017 14:32

So you enjoy it? some don't. Not sure what to say. As long as no harm is done and your partner enjoys being a part of it.

Original poster

alixxpartie · 12/09/2017 14:33

It's so hard to explain ... I know I probably "shouldn't" feel guilty and yet I do.

I feel like it's a bit gross and twisted but this may be because I had a bit of a repressed upbringing and maybe any type of sex that isn't vanilla was always going to feel wrong to me. I don't know.

OP posts:

Original poster

alixxpartie · 12/09/2017 14:33

I really enjoy it, and it worries me in itself as there's nothing else I've found I enjoy as much.

OP posts:

Branleuse · 12/09/2017 14:38

you can drive yourself absolutely mental trying to work out why you have the kinks you do, or feeling bad because theyre not very politically correct, but really, I think youll be a lot happier if you just let yourself enjoy the things you enjoy, as long as you know your own boundaries and your partner does too, really not something to overthink.
If its consensual and youre careful, then just enjoy it.
We are all fucked up in our own ways, and if you stop doing what you enjoy, then will it actually improve yours or anyone elses lives? I doubt it

Original poster

alixxpartie · 12/09/2017 14:42

I suppose that's very true

OP posts:

TheNaze73 · 12/09/2017 14:47

I think at least 50% of the women I've been with have asked for it. I really don't get it but, if the other person likes it, I'd always oblige.

cueless · 12/09/2017 14:48

go with the flow

Toffeelatteplease · 12/09/2017 14:50

Because there's a biological basis. Something to do with release of hormones and bonding hormones. I read about it once.

XJerseyGirlX · 12/09/2017 14:56

I love it, for me I think its a control thing.
Im a teeny bit of a control freak with most aspects of my life.. work, home etc.. But I love being controlled in the bedroom :-) it takes me out of my comfort zone and lets me " just go with it" which is a million miles away from how i am in real life.

Quartz2208 · 12/09/2017 15:29

I agree how did it start and what does it represent in your relationship. Are you wondering why he does it and if he thinks it hurts you.

thestamp · 12/09/2017 15:58

This quick youtube video might help you OP:

It's called "The Pleasures of BDSM" by a philosopher called Alain de Botton. He basically explains how it comes down to seeking out closeness and trust.

charlyn · 12/09/2017 16:16

There's nothing wrong with liking spanking, many women and men enjoy it. I think you need to stop over thinking it. Theres many communities out there dedicated to 'spankos' :)

ReanimatedSGB · 12/09/2017 16:32

Well, for one thing, there are a lot of nerve endings around the area, and (for some people, not everyone) it's a physical pleasure response.
It's also one of the safest (in terms of not getting accidental injuries) kinks: the arse is the part of you best designed to absorb impact.
Lots and lots of men like being spanked - the mainstream perception of it as all about women 'needing' to be dominated by men is a bit inaccurate: some do, some women would rather dish it out than take it.

As long as you enjoy it and your relationship with your partner is otherwise happy, based on kindness and mutual respect, just have your fun and don't worry about it.

MattBerrysHair · 12/09/2017 16:34

My dp and I do a lot of kinky stuff when we get the chance. It brings us closer together and creates an amazing intimacy as we are putting a hell of a lot of trust in each other by making ourselves vulnerable. It's a huge thrill. We're both switches so neither one us is in control all the time. Some things we do are not particularly a turn on for the other eg. I occasionally like my hair being pulled. Dp doesn't find it a turn on or turn off, but seeing me enjoy something gives him pleasure.

It sounds like you both enjoy the spanking. Just go with the flow and enjoy!

Roxb · 12/09/2017 17:47

I agree with @MattBerrysHair

Enjoy it and don't overthink.

Some couples prefer vanilla, some like toys and role play, some like BDSM ranging from mild to severe. Some even like bringing food into it.

It's a good idea to agree on a code word to stop the spanking if you find you're not into it when DTD.

redexpat · 12/09/2017 20:33

Your dp has good teqnique which is why it feels good. It stimulates the nerve endings in your bum cheeks. It might also just be the submission that does it for you, or the anticipation of whats coming.

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