I miss my sister

[pufflepup]

I won't say too much as it would really put me but I have a half sister I'm very low contact with despite being v close to growing up. We have the same Dad (total EA narcissist) but different mums (he's not with either of our mothers now). Barely 3 years between us but she had a much shitter time growing up than I did because her mother was also quite EA. Mine wasn't and I'm still really close to my mum.

She thinks our Dad favours me over her which isn't remotely true, he was awful to me growing up and I don't see him much now at all. However this resentment grew and grew until she just stopped having contact with me altogether really other than a couple of texts a few times a year.

I miss her. I found her v difficult to deal with in many respects but I do miss her and feel sad we aren't close any more. She has never met my son.

I know there isn't much I can do but it just makes me sad. Is there anyone else in a similar situation - where you're low/no contact with someone but you still miss them?

Bump

Sorry OP, this must be hard for you, but like you say, there isn't really much you can do other than respect her decision.
You could try one last ditch attempt and write to her telling her your feelings etc. If that fails you will have to leave it I think.

Do you think it's too late for a big heart to heart with her?

I miss my sister, we are nc.

However, the sister that I have and the sister that I would like, are poles apart. I envy siblings who are close and can rely on each other. Yes I would like a sister, I would even be happy to have the sister that her friends see, but unfortunately I have a sister who is very difficult to get along with and treats me differently to how she treats her friends 😢

It's not too late for me but it may be for her

To get on she would need to not resent me and I don't know how she would do that

Pufflepup, there lies your problem. You can't build a relationship unless it's wanted on both sides.

Yes, I know. It's just very sad.

Hi OP, I have no brothers and sisters but just wrote a post about grieving the loss of a couple of friends who I felt close at some point in my life.

Also, as an only child, I've spent time with people in my childhood whom I'm not longer in touch with, like cousins and aunts and uncles. It makes me very sad sometimes and I've got over quite a lot, but it's a very long process, especially if you're a sensitive kind of person. \i suffered a lot of losses of people who haven't died, they're just no longer in my life and it's been tough.

Maybe time will make your sister see things in a different way. Give her time and try to be patient. I know it's hard but as long as you're not angry at her and can wait, give her a chance maybe in the long future.

Would you consider taking her feeling that your father favoured you more to heart and discuss it with her more? Rather than dismissing it with 'he was horrible to me too'. My DF was worst to my oldest DB but not easy to any of us, though my younger DB thinks I was the favourite, I would say he was the favourite till his late teens at least, with my DSis a second fav. I'm not bothered now as I'm not close to any of my siblings but get on ok with my DSis. I am NC with eldest DB and close to NC with younger one. Bluntly I have nothing to gain from either of them and I don't miss them. They have both been dismissive of my childhood experiences. Sorry if this is irrelevant, it's just a thought if you wanted to try and see where your DSis is coming from.

I've never been dismissive, I've spoken to her at length about our Dad. Many times

Didn't mean to upset you, it just seemed like she has one point of view (you being favoured and she resents it) and you have another. I can see how it may be very difficult for the two of you to resolve. I'm sorry if I've upset you. And sorry you're sad and miss her. It could well be that she can't move past it. Even if it was the case, it would hardly be your fault if you were favoured, you would be blameless and may feel like going NC with her if she kept bringing it up! I don't miss having contact with my DBs as we were never close anyway but I did and do so love my DB's children and I have NC with them either, which makes me sad. But needs must for my own sake!

No don't worry, you didn't upset me :)

I understand exactly how you feel, OP. For complicated family reasons, both my sisters went NC with my parents and with me too, although I was just caught in the crossfire. I was very upset for many many years about the NC with both my sisters and I recognise that longing/jealousy feeling when people chat so easily about their siblings and the relationship/friendships they have with them.

In the end I have had to accept that they are not interested in me and my family and I have had to lead a life as if I were an only child. I do think it's a terrible shame but you can't make someone want to see you.

Why not send her a note. Tell her you miss her, If she doesn't reply or says no then you are no better or worse off.

I think you should write her a letter or email, sometimes it's easier to write things down and easier for the other person to read and re read.

All you can do is try, tell her how you feel and see if she responds. You have nothing to lose.

I should imagine the resentment is actually that you have a good mother and that she doesn't.

She is possible not Even totally aware- but that she has in her head decided that it's just about your dad.

I'd try one last time but possibly contact a counsellor to help you construct contact In The best way.