Boyfriends ex's semi nudes on phone

[500smiles]

A couple of days ago BFs phone was low on charge so he plugged it into my mac to charge it and it automatically started synchronising his photos, just so no-one accuses me of snooping.

Right at the beginning of lots of other photos were some semi-nudes of a girlfriend he was with for a few months before we got together.

He was horrified when I showed him what had come up, said he didn't realise that he hadn't deleted them, apologised profusely, immediately deleted etc etc

But I am so so upset about it, I don't know if it is because the photos were sexual in nature, or I'm just being shallow because she is 20 years younger and a good four stone lighter than me.

I don't want to feel like this but the images keep coming in to my head and making me feel really upset and I keep craving details about her / their relationship.

Would this bother you? What is the best way for me to put this behind me and move on?

For context I found out about XH's affair that ended our marriage by accidentally coming across his messages on the iPad.

Sounds like he was genuinely shocked they were still on there and his response to you was respectful. He'd be unreasonable if he didn't delete the nude ones but other than that I think you should move on from it. Good luck to you x

Sorry just saw that he did delete. Just remember he's with you now, try not to let age/weight bother you, love is more than being young and slim

My ex boyfri had has / had some revealing shots of me.

I am thinner than his current girlfriend. He's blissfully happy with her and doesn't regret dumping me at all (we see each other a lot, because of work). They really suit each other.

There is so much more to a relationship than body shape.

I think an active decision on your part is needed to not ask about her. Also what I've found helpful in the past, is asking my BFF to shut me down when I obsess about something So I got dumped by a guy and she knew to say "Ellis, you told me not to do this" whenever I started to talk about him. We had one big blow out talking about him, then I cut off my audience for it. You could try that? Have a big old rant here about how upset you are... then decide to put it behind you. It sounded like he reacted the right way.

I've found pics on the depths of my phone that I thought I'd deleted.

I can understand your upset though op , no one wants to see that.

If you otherwise have no reason to distrust him then I'd try to move on from it.

Does he have a Mac? Won't his phone have synched with his Mac? In which case won't he still have the photos?

Thank you all for your helpful and kind responses.

I have no reason to mistrust him at all, he has always been happy for me to use his phone for the torch for example and never hides it away etc

Mini - no he has a windows laptop so had no idea that it would synch but even so says he had totally forgotten that they were on there - the fact that there were lots of other photos that he hadn't deleted of trivial things such as old boarding passes, multiple pics that he'd taken of the same shot etc does back up the fact that he forgets to clear out old photos.

I'm worried that those pictures are going to haunt me when we are in bed.

You're overthinking it. He's chosen to be with you

It is hard op. I was in a similar situation where I saw some flirtatious posts towards my dp on his social media page , they were from an ex and she was very graphic about certain things that she wanted to happen between them. Seeing those posts with her picture beside them made me shudder and very , very uncomfortable! It was very early on in our relationship so we we're still fragile and learning about each other.

I told him I saw them and he was horrified that they were there and apologised that I couldn't 'unsee' them now. He deleted them and I got over it but I can't say it was easy to read.

Ah, good so they are gone

He is with you, he isn't with her. Relationships and desire are more than just perfect bodies and youth. Does he like you the way you are? Are you happy with yourself? Not for one minute should you change yourself or starve yourself thin....besides loosing weight can age you! But if you felt really confident about your body and your looks would this have upset you so much? We all compare ourselves to others, but we don't all find ourselves lacking.

Talk to him, not about your insecurity ( that's a big no no) but ask him why he finds you attractive, because he wouldn't be with you otherwise. And then interrogate yourself, are you happy with you? What would make you feel confident? Real confidence doesn't depend exclusively on how others see us, but also in how we love ourselves. Part of loving yourself is self care.

I hope you can get passed this 500smiles, as his reaction to delete and be horrified was spot on for a good partner.
I can understand the way you feel completely, because as much as you know your partner has a sexual past , you have no desire to know the details or have visuals thrown in for good measure!
I'd probably be a bit freaked out too.

My friend found a bikini photo of her boyfriend's ex. The woman looked like a swimwear model. My friend did not.

She's still with him nearly 30 years on and happy.

Thank you for all being so lovely when I clearly am over-thinking things - I do have a tendency to do so, and yes as someone picked up earlier, my self esteem is ok but not great and I can't un-see those images.

I guess I'm also struggling with the person I thought he is. The man who sat and watched and took photos whilst this much younger woman posed in various states of undress for him just doesn't tally with the man I know. It feels seedy and pervy and like it's tainted what we have. I realise that that sounds utterly ridiculous.

We've spoken a few times about it and he keeps apologising saying he had no idea they were still there and really there isn't any more that he can do, this issue is down to me to get over, and all your responses are really helping.

Ooops name change fail. Arse.

Ellisandra

what a fair and balanced response... and very kind to explain the 'shoe on the other foot' perspective... I'd not thought of it that way tbh.. about the body shape etc...

After a day of messaging each other I think I've pissed him off so I need to follow the advice of just not discussing it as I am starting to obsess more.

all round

Its completely normal to feel pissed off about this. Have you been together long?
I wouldnt like to find pictures like this on my dps phone. He deleted his pictures of his ex when they split up

Branleuse we have been together for about 18 months. He is saying that he didn't realise that he hadn't deleted them.

FFS I cannot cope with a name change

Branleuse we have been together for about 18 months. He is saying that he didn't realise that he hadn't deleted them.

Try no to obsess over the pictures, so what if she's younger and slimmer, maybe he didn't like her personality which is the real deal breaker in a long term relationship.

Even if you hadn't seen the pictures this woman still existed in your partners life, the only difference now is that you know she looks good naked and so what, that doesn't make her a better partner than you! Her personality could have been really unattractive to your partner and at the end of the day looks fade, people gain weight but personality is always there.

If he had forgotten they were that's a good thing! It means he's not looking at them or even thinking about her, take that as reassurance!

In regards to the whole tainting your relationship and what you think of him I think you're taking that a bit fair and you're being unfair! Everyone is allowed a past, it's not like he's done anything illegal or dodgy it's just a few pictures of someone he used to be with, maybe not the wisest choice but it's hardly terrible in the grand scheme of things. How would you feel if you told him something you had done in your past and he judged you and thought worse of you for it?

Im not saying I would like seeing pictures of my partners ex semi naked (she is also slimmer and much more his type in looks than me) but I would be relieved that he's forgotten about her that much that he would give me his phone and not even think for a second about the pictures.

Don't let something that happened when you didn't even know him ruin a good relationship because you'll end up losing him!