Do emotionally immature men ever grow up?

[burntbangers]

Been seeing a guy for a few months: he's sexy, funny and generally kind and considerate. However, I knew him casually for a few years before we started dating (we are both in our early 40s) and I would say that he can also be emotionally immature. At the moment all is light and fun but I'm starting to fall for him and am worried that in a long term relationship his emotionally immaturity might be a problem for me in times of stress as I'm quite direct and no fuss.

Does anyone have stories either of emotionally immature men that have changed or of the opposite?

No!

Having said that though, what do you mean exactly by emotional immaturity? Can you give some examples?

Why are you wanting someone to change?

Do you men he doesn't have his serious face on when you ask him to fill in his emotions chart?

Honestly I think man-child-itis is a wide spread thing and no I don't think they mature out of it, it is just part of who they are. The only men I can think of who didn't have a touch of this was my grandad, and one of my friend's husbands who is incredibly patient and thoughtful - all other men I know do have this to a more or lesser degree, or they have the potential to. My DH seemed like the most steady and responsible guy going but over the years even he has revealed this emotionally immature side. I think if you like him as much as you say you do then just see how it goes, he might surprise you with hidden depths (she suggests hopefully).

Never date someone with a view to changing them. It never ends well! People are who they are.

TheNaze and QuiteLikely: i have no intention of attempting to change him. I'm just wondering whether to end things now before i get in too deep with my own feelings or whether to continue and see how things go.

What do you mean though?

What is emotional immaturity, to you?

I agree with others that you can't change people.

My fiancé would never sit around chatting about his feelings the way I do. I talk about them because it helps me work things out. He is perfectly aware of his emotions and able to deal with them - just in a different way. You could wrongly say I'm more emotionally mature because I'm very obviously talking about how things have made me feel and react and why. He is just as aware and able to manage his feelings - just talking out loud about it doesn't help him with that.

So before you throw the baby out with the bath water, be sure you're not forcing your way of showing maturity onto him.

No. They get worse.

People don't change. Having said that, everyone has faults - my DH loves his computer games, and is bad with housework and doesn't analyse his feelings much, but has lots of good qualities as well. All you can do is figure out what flaws you can cope with. Expecting change is a hiding to nothing though.

He's in his early 40's.

If he hadn't emotionally matured by now, when do you think he will?

My dad is a manchild. He still hasn't grown up. He can be a domineering adult man when it suits and a helplessness boy when it suits. My opinion is it is down to laziness and social conditioning.

Why you would waste one more day on a man who you KNOW is emotionally immature is beyond me. He will only get worse.

No definitley not. In my experience the majority of emotionally immature have a reason behind why they are that way, normally escaping/running away from something in their past. This is a red flag and I would walk away very, very quickly.

I think compatible baggage and imperfections are more important that things in common to be honest. What can you live with? If it's pushing your buttons now how will you feel in five or ten years' time?