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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need help, unsure what's going on and what to do.

15 replies

Anon201 · 11/09/2017 21:19

I live with my ex but havnt been together as a couple for a few years but we still do couple things in that time he was involved with two ladies one he nearlly had a child with it turned out not to be his the other one thought she was pregnant aswell. I wanted to have a baby I'm in my early 30s and thought having one with him would be a good idea it wasn't I don't know what I was thinking.
So fast forward to 33 weeks and things are really bad. I do everything for him washing up, washing of the clothes, make his food, do the food shopping even shave his hair and put product in it. And the rent he gives me doesn't cover everything. He calls me selfish and that I go around thinking I do alot when I don't do as much as I think I do. He speaks to me like im always the bad person even has said he doesn't like spending time with me and doesn't like me as a person and that hea never met a person that annoys him as much as I do. He says I follow him around which I do as he leaves his stuff lying around so I clean up after him he won't clean the house as it's a old house and to him looks messy and cleaning wouldn't help. I uploaded on his mother about how he treats me in front of him and she said he was the same when he lived at hers. He's now demanding I say sorry to her for what I said and that I need to think of others and not myself because she's got alot of her plate and I shouldn't of told her our problems. I'm not replying to his messages and he's astonished I won't say sorry. He has said he doesn't want me moving out as the baby is due soon and doesn't want the stress but after a few months well talk about things and I'll eventually have to move out but all this is stressing me out. He has even said they'll be a possibility hell take me to court for custody of the baby.
He has a good way of making me forget what has been said and sometimes says something and then denies it even did a pfft face to his mother to make her think I'm over reacting. And says something and when I talk talks over me to make me forget what has upset me then asks me to repeat it but because I can't remember as he's confused me he laughs and tells me to stop being a tit.

My family have said this is mind games. Is it more than that? I have no friends just my family. I don't know if I should mention all this to my midwife or health visitor. He has a good way of making me feel the bad guy for standing up for myself and speaking my mind.
I'm so scared hell get my baby taken of me and paint me out to be the bad person and him the angel.

Sorry if I have rambled on his situation is so hard to explain.

OP posts:
WickedLazy · 11/09/2017 21:33

Listen to your family! He's using you for all the shit you do for him and money you save him. My ex was the same. He'll not take you for custody, that's a scare tactic. It sounds like you'd be better off without him.

"I live with my ex but havnt been together as a couple for a few years but we still do couple things". He's having his cake and eating it. This won't be sustainable once the baby comes, your emotions will be all over the place, and you don't need him fucking with your head. Is he still seeing other women? Do you use protection with him?

Anon201 · 11/09/2017 21:41

A Internet friend says the same thing and that I need to move out. I'm scared I won't find anywhere with a new born on the way. My mum has told me I can move in with her but she's not go the room. The women that was apparently having his child isn't in his life as he did two dna tests to prove he wasn't the father the other one has a BF and is having her bfs baby. We don't sleep with each other anymore not after I found out I had a std only brought up by being pregnant. And he keeps telling me the sex is shit and boring has been for years so I don't want to sleep with him.

OP posts:
SweetLuck · 11/09/2017 21:44

Leave him and move in with your mother.

Desmondo2016 · 11/09/2017 21:46

Move in with your mum, have the baby and apply for housing help.

Categorically do not stress about him getting the baby taken away. He will be too busy finding another servant to gel his hair to give a shit.

AnyFucker · 11/09/2017 21:50

You are his house slave. If you hadn't said you were there willingly I would assume you had been trafficked.

Your baby's eyes could have been damaged by this dirty bastard giving you an std. Is this all you think you and your baby are worth ?

Go be with your mum. The room will be found. Anything is better than your current situation. This man is a lowlife.

Worriedrose · 11/09/2017 22:11

christ I couldnt even read it all, it's just too sad.
Please think about what you deserve in life. Because you do deserve something more than this

Worriedrose · 11/09/2017 22:12

Take your mum up on her offer PLEASE
even if you have to sleep on a blow up bed in the living room it's better than your current situaton

schoolgaterebel · 12/09/2017 01:17

Leave him before the baby arrives. Make a life for yourself without this Cocklodger

Hidingtonothing · 12/09/2017 01:47

Oh Anon, please go to your mum's, it honestly can't be any worse than your current situation. I'm imagining you with a newborn still trying to cope with everything he throws at you and it's a million miles away from what you will need as a new mum, go now while there's still time before he/she is born.

He's trying to keep you there so you're still under his control, this doesn't strike me as a man who does anything unless it benefits him. I agree with pp's he's unlikely to go for custody but if he does you will be in a much stronger position as main carer if you're not living with him, it will be much more obvious who looks after your baby that way.

It goes beyond mind games, it emotional, mental and financial abuse. I'll find a link to the abuser profiles for you in a sec, I guarantee you will recognise him in there somewhere. Please believe me, you will be happier without this man, there's help and support out there if you need it and we will support you Flowers

Aquamarine1029 · 12/09/2017 04:09

Move on with your mother regardless of how small the space is. You need to get out NOW. Pack your things and just go. Life will sort itself out, I promise.

Isetan · 12/09/2017 10:22

The only thing salvageable here is your self respect but you need to move out to start that process. He's never going to be who you want him to be and there isn't a parallel universe where he's different.

Time to focus and prepare for being a mother to an actual baby, not the man baby you've insist on mothering till now.

Josuk · 12/09/2017 10:46

OP - all this sounds so difficult and complicated. And strange too.

He is an ex but you live together.

He pays you rent? So I assume HE is staying in your place - so - why would you be moving out? Why not him?????

He has unprotected sex with random people - woman after woman is pregnant by him???!!!

You decide to have his child?
And you get an STI from him.

And, that is even before we find out that he is nasty to you.

Run. And try to make/find the best normal and safe place to raise this baby. This baby is not responsible for the choices that adults in his life have made. This baby deserves better.

Brahms3rdracket · 12/09/2017 12:44

Leave and move in with your mum. A sofa to sleep on will be better than living with this horrible, selfish arsehole. Wish him luck in his application for custody, he'll need it if he's incapable of looking after just himself at the moment. He won't want that responsibility anyway, he's just saying it to be a spiteful cunt. Please don't expose your baby to his toxicity.

MorrisZapp · 12/09/2017 12:51

I think we can assume that a man who needs a woman to take care of his hairstyle will not be given full custody of a baby by the courts.

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