Spying on one's DH is wrong, yes? So how do I get to the truth??

[WTF1]

I'm in a sexless relationship, no action for 8 years or so. We have 2 DC's that came along when we were still pretending that there wasn't a problem, aged 10 and 13. But I basically gave up a long time ago now, my DH just isn't interested. I have been kidding myself for years that one day we will sort it out, when the kids are older, when DH isn't so busy at work etc etc. He admits he has a low sex drive. But no sex at all???

A friend put a seed of doubt in my mind and so I put the software that we use to monitor our children's screen time on our joint pc. And within a day it flagged porn. Looked like a tacky site where people upload images/footage of themselves for all to see. Then I noticed DH's web cam set up

A few days later and DH appears aware that the pc has the monitoring software on it. He is very tech savvy. He doesn't know what or if I have seen anything. He would deny, deny, deny if I broached the subject. The software is removed with no drama, the pc used to be used by the kids so it's not unreasonable it was there, IYKWIM.

So, it may have been a one off stumbled across this sort of thing, or he could be a regular on the site joining in etc etc. I want to know which.

What do I do??

I agree with others, maybe you are trying to find something to "get out"
Sounds like you are very unhappy, I'm sorry it's such a shit situation to be in.
Many people don't have the courage to do anything about it. Only you know how you want to spend the rest of your life.

Think, if sex was resumed, would that make everything better? is it the only thing that isnt working.

Sex can be a symptom of much deeper issues. But you have to talk to each other.

This was exactly my situation. I left him in the end because the resentment built up & couldn't be undone. My confidence was so low from feeling unattractive & unwanted (it's no higher two years on though!!) but I am much happier not wondering what's going on with him all the time.
Is there any affection? There was none in mine & that was very lonely.
He watched porn but had a very low sex drive. I think men can be like that easily. Wanking to porn is a fantasy land where they can pretend they're someone else too. (Someone sexual with a high sex drive for instance) It's quick, easy, takes no effort, no foreplay etc
What I'm saying is that it's totally possible he's watching porn & has a low sex drive.
Regarding the kids - I felt exactly the same but honestly that's a very poor reason to stay in a bad relationship. Imagine if they found out they were the reason you stayed unhappy.
Mine were shocked at the time but they're fine now (I'm not kidding myself they will always be) we talk lots & ex & I are always friendly to eachother so they don't feel caught.
I am still very lonely & far too shy to date. But happier out of the marriage than in. Plus I live in hope Prince Charming might come knocking

I get why you want an answer, you need an explanation after all these years and you still don't understand why he doesn't want sex with you.

Be careful, once you start snooping you probably won't like what you find, he is most certainly wanking at his PC, but it's probably worse than that, are you ready for what you could potentially find he's been up to.

But either way, it's time to get out of this marriage.

i absolutely get why you want to know. I snooped and was glad I did. Porn and sex workers going back ten years.
Why should anyone live with this level of deceit.
You need to snoop. This will be why there is no intimacy in your marriage,