I posted for advice a couple of weeks ago - and got a range of responses which were supportive and gave me a much needed kick up the arse and made me think. I had the thread deleted as I felt I'd been a bit too descriptive at times - but I really valued all the comments.
To update in brief, for anyone who is interested - despite advice to the contrary, I met with the guy who dumped me - and felt the meeting went well, all things considered. We seemed to clear the air. We've contacted each other a few times since. Not just me contacting him -
he has contacted me. We will be working on some projects together in the not too near future - indeed he has specifically asked to work with me.
However - I have recognised that actually, this was all about power with him - he texts, I reply, then he leaves me hanging - literally ignores my text. Or he rings me, we chat well and say we'll speak later, but when I ring at arranged time, he ignores the call. Hence, several weeks since the original break up, I am emotionally in much the same place.
So - this morning, after being left dangling in this manner over the weekend, I pulled up my big girl pants. I (finally) deleted him from my phone this morning. I've booked to see a counsellor this week to discuss the many issues that I have. As an aside - the counsellor asked what the issues were - where do I begin.... dysfunctional family (bullying parents and sibling - I've read the Stately Homes thread for a number of years), loss of first baby with husband, husband and child with ASD and all the stress that brings, marriage breakdown (see previous point), loss of parent 6 months ago, and finally, an end-of-marriage-affair that made things worse - and which has left me in this state. So, quick 5 min appointment then 
I've never had counselling before, so this will be an eye opener.
Why am I posting? Well, to genuinely say thank you to those who responded. I was - and to some extent still am - in a very low place. I still think I love this guy - whatever that might mean. But I think I deserve a little better treatment. If he doesn't want contact - that's fine (sad, but fine) - but he should say, not just stop text conversations part way through. I've been waiting for scraps off his table - and actually, I'm not a bad catch.
Ironically, from the work project point of view- I think I can cope fine. I am good at my job - and bollocks to him making me change or move sideways in my work.
This site can be harsh - but it is also supportive. Thanks to all who helped.