Is breaking up our best option?

[RockLobster93]

So I think me and the OH are close to breaking up.
We argue all the time, over silly little things, I know we're both stressed but I honestly saw myself spending the rest of my life with him.
It's gotten to a point now where it doesn't take much for an arguement to escalate.
We had a serious talk over the weekend and I suggested he moved out for a while, so we could go back to dating and have some space to figure ourselves out. At the start of the relationship he moved in pretty much instantly so we never had that 'dating' stage. I have a horrid feeling that once he leaves he won't come back. He would have to move in with a friend so 6 months is probably the shortest amount of time possible for a "break".
That's a long time.
I think he'd enjoy having his own time again, not being restricted by me or my LO, not having to budget as much as we do now.
But I don't think he'd come back.
I recently got diagnosed with depression, only just started taking setraline. I've asked him for support, his response is "What more can I possibly do for you? Nothing".
Which is deflating to say the least.
I've tried to explain, I really have. Just a simple cuddle or a reminder that he's here for me is enough. I don't feel like he is though.He was the one who convinced me to go to the doctors in the first place. When we argue his temper flies out the roof in a matter of seconds. He shouts and refuses to stop swearing in front of my LO (she's 3). I've said before if he does it again then he's gone. Of course I don't follow through, its an empty threat. We are both to blame for the problems in our relationship, we realise this. We just don't know how to fix it.

How do you tell when its time to call it quits?
I love him to bits but I can't continue living with all this stress/uncertainty. Neither can he.

So is him moving out the right thing to do? Should we go ahead with the break or just skip forward to the break up?

I could really use some advice here please, I'm so tired of all the arguing but I'm terrified I'll lose him altogether.

Well he'd still need to budget.
He'd have to pay maintenance and rent.
I wouldn't want a friend with me for 6 months not paying anything and they wouldn't expect to either!
You'd also have to sort out access so he wouldn't be as free as a bird.
I think some space and time apart might be just what you both need.
It's gotta be worth a try.
You can't live indefinitely with arguments and someone shouting and swearing at you all the time.
That's no life!

No his child I think so no maintenance?

If you have been depressed and he has been coping with that he could be at the end of his tether so moving out can give you both the space you need. If he does move out, book some dates in the diary ahead of time so you can both plan that.

But it may be that the relationship has run its course.

If you have been depressed and he has been coping with that he could be at the end of his tether

Or, alternatively, he could be a large factor in her suffering from depression.

Not his child, he moved in when she was 1.
I just don't know how I'd cope on my own.
I know I can do it, I've had to before, but I wasn't working FT then. Or trying to deal with feeling so shitty all the time.
I think we will probably go ahead with the break. It's not going to be easy and there's going to be a ton of questions from friends/family that I'm not sure I can really answer atm.

RL

Why are your boundaries in relationships so low here?. What did you learn about relationships when growing up?.

re your comment:-
"At the start of the relationship he moved in pretty much instantly so we never had that 'dating' stage"

How did that come about; how is it he moved in so early on?. Was there a quick attachment on his part towards you?. Why such urgency at all?.

Why are you terrified exactly of losing him?. What is so good about him, a man who after all shouts and swears in front of your child who is but three herself. She deserves better frankly and so do you. Is this what you want to teach her about relationships, no of course not. You two should never have got together in the first place so what binded you to each other at all. You did not know each other then and you still do not know each other really now. You should both let each other go.

You managed on your own prior to meeting him and you will do so again. Your child as well does not need the shouting from this man; her home should be a sanctuary and it has sounded like anything but that.

If family and friends ask then your response should be short and succinct along the lines of it was not working out. You do not need to explain yourself further to them particularly if you do not want to.

If anyone swore and shouted in front of my child, I'd make sure they didn't come near her again. Why are you allowing him to be there when he behaves like that? What do you think that does to your daughter?

There are countless women on here who were suffering from depression and once they got rid of the cause - their partner - the depression miraculously lifted.

Of course your partner would prefer you to see a doctor rather than he should change his own behaviour.

AttilaTheMeerkat
I don't know why we moved so quickly, I think he was desperate to move out and once he was in, I had to find FT work which then meant I was relying on him to help with childcare- I had odd shift patterns then.
We were best friends for a while pre-relationship but I think it's ruined the friendship.

MyBrilliantDisguise - I know, and I hate myself for putting her through it. The reason I left her father is because his violent side was affecting her. I just can't believe I'm in the same place two years on.
I've asked him to go to the doctors about his anger, but his response is to fob it off, saying he wouldn't be like this if I didn't put him under so much stress. He's never been like this before.