Want to ask H for a divorce.

[PickleFactory]

A few months ago my H had a ONS. We said we would try and work through it for the sake of our 2DC.

We have been in seperate rooms since.

Well it's not working and we are just like mates living together and co-parenting.

I have seen a couple of solicitors because there is no way forward for us.

I need to sit him down now and tell him this and ask for a divorce. But why am I so scared?

We have been married 14yrs at the end of the month.

I know it's a bit of a figure of speech to "ask" for a divorce, because theoretically he can say no - though legally, not indefinitely.

But perhaps that's where part of your fear comes from. You are not asking, you are telling. He broke the vows, the contract, the trust. I'm sorry

Of course you're scared - you don't know how he'll react and you have a big life change coming up. Can you try to accept that feeling scared is OK? It's normal. Don't worry about the fact you feel scared. I appreciate you'll worry about a lot of other things though!

Do you want a practical advice? Or just offloading here?

Well done for being brave

Perhaps don't ask, just say "I've decided it's over so I'm filing for divorce"

Thanks for the replies and the flowers.

Yes I will just tell him I'm divorcing him rather then ask him.

It such a massive life change, think that's why I'm scared. I'm a SAHM as well so I'm frantically searching for work.

I guess I've just come on here to rant and for somebody to tell me everything will be ok and there is life after divorce.

Do you think your H wants the marriage to work out?

Ideally it's best if it's amicable.What do you think will happen 're the house?

There is definitely life after divorce but I would always recommend that you know you have tried to resolve things.Divorce can be a roller coaster so knowing the marriage is over helps to keep you on track.

I agree in the not asking approach. Tell him you've reached and decision to divorce following his infidelity.

You should not feel scared, but I'm sure it's not an easy conversation. Take care

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Hermonie I think H is quite happy living like this. He's not making a great deal of effort regarding making this work and he's not interested in counselling.

We will sell the house and hoping it will be a 60/40 split to me, considering he earns a substantial amount of money to be able to comfortably buy himself a nice place afterwards.

I've decided that tomorrow is the day. Wish me luck, I may need it.

Good luck

Hope it's not interfering or patronising of me to suggest that you don't get into discussions of 60/40 tomorrow.

Just get the ball rolling. Until you've done full financial disclosure keep your cards close to your chest. 60/40 sounds low for a SAHM and a high earner. And I voluntarily proposed less than 50/50 to me in my divorce so please don't write me off as a gold digger! You have to make FAIR decision for you and the children, and you shouldn't rush that.

Thanks Ellisandra

No I want mention anything about finances, if he asks I will say that we have to go through our solicitors. Unfortunately I know he won't play nicely when it comes to finances as he is quite greedy so that bit I'm dreading.

Deflect it all through solicitors. Good luck with it.
It's another reason it sounds like you're making the right choice. A greedy man who would not make the fair choice for his children doesn't sound like a prince to stay married to!