I'm posting here because I feel like I have no one I can turn to. I can't tell my mum because she will worry so much.
I live abroad in an Asian country, and am married to a man native to this country. We've been together 7years and our first baby is four months old. I have a few friends where we live but they are not especially close. They all have families and I have known them all maximum of a year. (High expat turnover rate).
I suppose I want to know if I'm an unreasonable wife. I'd love advice. I feel so sad and alone. Every day I get up and see to the baby. He's a very good baby, eats sleeps well, has a great nature. I'm not sleep deprived. But I find the daily grind exhausting. My husband has recently finished his job and he's not working or looking for work. We are financially well off but that's due entirely to his family money.
He's thinking of starting a business but makes no strides towards it.
He stays up late playing computer games and drinking often, going to bed In the early hours. He wakes at midday every day, when I've been up for hours entertaining the baby and doing chores. He has to be asked over and over to do anything. He never offers. Even feeding the baby in the evening I have to suggest he does it. He will never refuse but he often says no if I phrase it like 'do you want to' instead of 'it's your Turn'. He loves the baby and plays with him well enough but it's always when I've nudged him to do it.
I have spoken to him countless times about how I feel alone,that I do everything, that he never takes initiative. I've cried and he always says sorry and says he will change. He does for a few days. And then it's back to square one.
I miss my mum and family so much it physically hurts and sometimes I fantasize about leaving him and going back home. I'm scared I'm falling out of love with him. We hardly ever have sex. This makes me feel awful too, because I'd like to.
I get so frustrated I shout and swear at him which makes him angry at me. I hate myself for using abusive language. I've told him before his business will never amount to anything because he's too lazy. He retaliated by saying my hobby - something I adore and have worked very hard at - will also fail. This hurt me so deeply. I said what I said about his business 'plan' b cause it doesn't exist. He just talks vaguely about his ideas he has never tried to apply himself to it. I have spent years on my hobby and I know I'll likely never been successful with it. But at least I try?
I feel like our marriage is Bringing out the worst in me. I keep reading relationship advice but what's the point when only one of us seems to care or think it's bad? I want to love him and make it work. I sometimes wonder if it wouldn't be so bad if we weren't so far from my family and so close to his, who can be very suffocating at times.
I'm sorry this is so long. I wish I had someone that to confide in. I often think of leaving him with the baby for the day but I feel so guilty for my baby. Husband just leaves him to scream while he's playing his game. I don't know what to do. I'm crying as I type it because it all sounds so awful.