Arguing since baby born

[Boru90]

Hi. Don't feel I can talk about this to anyone and really struggling as I don't know what to do. Since my daughter has been born I feel like I argue with my partner non stop and I feel very resentful of him.

i was severely ill throughout the pregnancy (hyperemesis) which resulted in me having to give up work from 5 weeks onwards, as I was essentially bed bound and in and out of hospital regularly. Obviously from a sexual/intimacy side our relationship suffered as I couldn't even have him hug/lie beside me without getting sick but I still felt we were closer than ever in an emotional sense. Then the baby was born....

We live far away from my family and beside his family, and he has refused to consider living anywhere else, despite the fact they lend very little in the way of support. He never took any time of work and once we were home from the hospital he continued to work 8am until 9/10pm 5 nights a week and 8-5 on a Saturday and usually a 3/4 hours on a Sunday also (he owns his own business and we have no money worries and I still receive a full wage). When he does come home from work he practically ignores me while he looks at emails/his phone etc. I feel like we are flat mates living in a house. He is hands on with our daughter when he is at home and is a good dad in that respect although he sees her very little. I'm breastfeeding and still feeling incredibly unwell from my pregnancy (daughter is 2 months) and have no support as he is never here and as I'm new to the area I don't know anyone really. I feel incredibly lonely and struggling to cope.

I've tried talking to him but he dismisses my fears regards our relationship as he thinks we have no issues and is 'very happy' but accuses me of not understanding in regards to his business. i feel like our relationship can't withstand this much longer

Of course he's a great hands-on Dad, he only spends a few hours a week with the baby! So when exactly do you get a break?

He sounds like another self absorbed arse. I'm sorry OP but these boards are littered with them. Men who become fathers and then just merrily carry on with their lives as if nothing has happened. Lovely for him that he's "very happy" but you're not! He needs to acknowledge it, make some sacrifices, help you out - you know, all of the things that a decent partner would do......

OP - so sorry. It should get better!

Having a baby can be a lonely and isolating experience. Like your whole adult world (where you could do things you liked, where you mattered) - like that world collapsed permanently and your new life will forever be feedings, naps and diapers.
It will get better, just takes time.

On practical note - what helped me when I was in your place - was getting out of the house, taking walks, finding other mom friends with babies. Hiring a little help to give me a break - since my H also worked a lot and family wasn't around.

Baby changes relationships and new dynamic/balance needs to be found. It takes time.

Hang on there

I've been through this. argued non stop with husband and resented him so much, I had post natal depression even thoguh it didn't feel like I did at the time. I had a very tough pregnancy too, severe sickness and spd. it only got better for me when I went back to work part time and got to have a break from the mum stuff and talk to adults. I went back when my baby was 9 months I hated leaving him but it was for my health more than anything. plus once my son could walk and talk then I found it easier anyway and less overwhelming.
It will get better I promise.

We live far away from my family and beside his family, and he has refused to consider living anywhere else, despite the fact they lend very little in the way of support. Could you go and stay with family? Might give him a jolt and you'd get some rest, support, love and to get a little stronger.

Owning your own business does often involve long hours. Has he got into the habit or does he need to do those hours?

Lack of support is a major cause of PND.
He's a dad but his life remains the same whilst your life is changed beyond recognition. I'd up and go home for a few weeks for a bit of support.

I'm sorry that this is happened to you. I took 3 weeks off work to help my wife when our first child (DD) was born and it was us crying, bickering etc as you are tired, emotional, wound up, then relatives show up and you are fit to scream - and that's just from a Dad's point of view! Are you able to ask any of your family to come and visit for a few days or anything? I hope it gets better quickly for you xx

The thing is, I really don't think things are just suddenly going to get better for you.

He's selfish, dismisses your unhappiness, refuses to consider living closer to your family, works ridiculous hours and ignores you when he comes home.

Your resentment will only continue to grow until he starts to make some changes and ease the burden from you.

Thanks for the support guys. @MrsTerryPratchett he has always worked long hours, although not as excessively as now and certainly he made more of an effort to spend time together/on our relationship prior to now (in his defence his business has grown rapidly). I acknowledge it was never an issue prior to my pregnancy as I was also out of the house 60 hours a week/travelling regularly for work so I don't expect him to suddenly become a 9-5 person, but I do fear this is a situation that will only continue as he genuinely loves to work, the business is growing and it isn't a financially driven need (I could sustain us both comfortably and we are mortgage free).

It's probably a good idea I go to stay with family although I know that won't solve the issue long term. I want a family unit but very much feel like a single mum but Its comforting to hear from other mums that this feeling will pass with time when things get easier. Thank you!

Your life has changed out of all recognition and his hasn't almost at all. I don't know how you get him to understand that, but he needs to. You need support. Family, friends, him. You need something.

Op I've just written a post so similar to yours... I wish I knew what to do.