After posting here a week ago I managed to talk with two best friends. It was so good after so long to get things off my chest and not just internalise them.
My decision was to await my youngest son's return to uni before the speech was made.
From advice I had written every thing down. It is so hard at the moment to be even nice to DH.
The issues involve escorts, spending compulsively and control.... to put it very simply. Though we do not have financial problems.
He has been seeing escorts for 2 years and when confronted just said yes I have!!!! Discovered this from iMessages from his phone on our family iPad. He said it meant nothing..... well I tell you it meant a lot to me that he could do this.
He buys things almost daily online. Our house is full of his possions, it has nothing ofmine now. He tries to control me in what I look like e.g. Buying clothes, jewelry etc.
I have gone away for a week, just so he realises I am serious. If I was in the house he would justwant to keep saying sorry and telling me what a fool he has been. Instead he is texting.
I know I should really think about the chance for him to change but all I can see is independence, my own life, and forget all those materialistic possessions.... and lack of spontaneity. I really think we have become opposites and can not even agree on simple things. If you understand what I mean, just a passing comment he makes wants me to disagree. How can I forgive his behaviour.
Advice and emotional support greatly received. Thank you for reading. Thinking yoga might help me.... we have been married nearly 30 years.