Boyfriend with kids living with parents

[Pat43]

Hi folks, I've joined mumsnet because I always see good advice about things although sadly I wasn't able to have children of my own. Maybe looking to see if anyone had experience of this situation! Unfortunately I was in a bad marriage and eventually filed for divorce. What has been an eye opener for me since getting back into dating is the amount of men with kids who go back to live with their parents! I guess my current frustration is that he dropped a bombshell on me at the weekend, he wants to live together but then asked if I would ever see myself living with him and his parents. I did discuss this with a friend who does not know him at all really as I really found this quite unusual, he's 42 yo with 2 kids and earns a very good salary. Is this unusual? It would be great if anyone is Indian as well who can shed some light on this way of thinking. He's second generation. It suddenly makes me feel like my needs are not considered although I have already said no. We had a slight argument (only one in nearly 2 years) last week and later he said I used to make him 95% happy but now I only make him 90% happy I called him out on this as well. Meantime he lives at his parents and comes over to mind when he can, between 2-4 nights a week. he says he's not sure if he will ever move out of his parents house. I'm really not sure what to think anymore. Also he seems to have left his ex wife with nothing. She lives in rented flat now with the kids. So, anyone been in similar situation and anyone reading this from Indian background would be grateful for any insight. I'm very wary of getting back into relationships as ex husband extremely verbally abusuve. Thanks for any replies x

I'm not from Indian background.

Are you? Have you met his parents? Met the kids?

I do think there's a cultural inclination towards the son looking after the parents so if you cannot see you all living together and that is the only thing he does see, than cards are on the table and its make or break.

I would be more concerned that he earns a good wage and you say he doesn't support the children. Did the wife and children live with his parents? They might always have rented so there may be no marital home to "give" to her but are you aware if he has them to look after regularly? Pays appropriate maintenance etc?

I don't know anything about Indian culture but it does sound normal that large families tend to all live together.
If this isn't for you then you have to decide if its worth continuing this relationship.

Thanks for replies, yes met the parents and kids now. He pays minimum child support and they sold the family home so split the sale money. No relationship between him and his ex, emails only about the kids. His ex lived with his parents for a while then they got their own house for about 3 or 4 years then split up. Yes, i think there is a need for the son to look after the parents and it will always be about them. I have some thinking to do...

Run for the hills and then keep running.

I'm (almost) Indian and divorced my controlling abusive ex 2 yrs ago. When we married he lived with his parents but I made him move out. When we split up he went straight back to them (an hour from me and the children) and sees them alternate weekends. He continues to try and be controlling.... he remarried an Indian woman (second generation) recently and she has moved in to his parents house - she doesn't have kids and has been told she shouldn't have them (in case she treats her own better than she treats mine). I can see that her life is going to be very difficult Although she should have seen it coming. I agree with the above poster - run for the hills

Thanks for your considerate replies. I just can't live with anyone's parents I'm too independent and also my own parents need help and I'm the only one I do it. I can't quite bring myself to finish it right now but know that there is no future. And yes I think i am concerned about his character and his rating scale of making him happy!! I was just shocked that he would think any woman would move in with parents but I guess it still happens!