Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Friend, not sure where I stand

24 replies

lifesteeth · 03/04/2007 22:30

I have known my friend for around 2 years, in the past year we have spent more time together and have become good friends.

I'm not a very sociable person so she is probably my only "real" friend but sometimes she acts odd with me but I dont know if its just me being paranoid.

For instance last week I had a job interview at 9:30 in the morning meaning I had to take the kids to school in my interview clothes...as soon as she saw me she burst out laughing and then looked away quickly before saying with a smirk "you look smart.." way to make me feel good about my interview!

but she does that kind of thing all the time, but other times she'll be really nice buying me dinner whilst in town and buying my kids birthday presents etc and she's always the one that instigates meetings so its not as if I'm being clingy and she's fed up of me....

Today for instance I went around to her house with her daughters birthday card and she was really off with me, she had another friend there who I didnt know...she offered me a cup of tea but it seemed quite 'begrudged' and when she introduced me to the other friend she introduced me as her daughters friends mum rather than her actual friend and when I spoke to her I saw her teenage daughter look at her with a smirk and she turned away blatently trying not to laugh...but I know full well in a few days she will phone me being all pally again...

Is it me being paranoid??

OP posts:

saadia · 03/04/2007 22:31

I don't think you're being paranoid, could you confront her about it?

PelvicfloornomoreChocolate · 03/04/2007 22:32

No not paranoid,she doesn't deserve a friend like you.

divastrop · 03/04/2007 22:33

is she about 12?

Dior · 03/04/2007 22:34

Message withdrawn

Saturn74 · 03/04/2007 22:35

She doesn't sound very genuine.
I'd give her a wide berth for a while, and maybe try and meet some other people.

Original poster

lifesteeth · 03/04/2007 22:48

Thing is I would be quite happy to let the friendship slide, I often make excuses not to do things etc because I genuinly prefer my own company but she keeps on texting and phoning me...if ever she wants someone to talk to she phones me, if she wants to tell someone about her kids doing something good she cant wait to contact me...sometimes it feels like I'm convenient for her, someone that is always "There". She knows I'm on my own so she knows she can phone or come around at any time and she probably expects me to be lonely or waiting for company? I dont know.

OP posts:

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 03/04/2007 22:50

This sounds like teenage-girl behaviour. I have a feeling she may admire you and be jealous to be honest.

lazyanna · 03/04/2007 23:32

she sounds awful

Yurtgirl · 03/04/2007 23:34

I would make new friends, she doesnt sound very nice at all.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 03/04/2007 23:37

She sounds awful.

Distance yourself.

colditz · 03/04/2007 23:49

Drop her like a stone, she sounds a right knob

ScottishThistle · 03/04/2007 23:53

God she sounds about 14, drop her like a hot brick!

Freckle · 04/04/2007 08:04

Sounds to me as though she uses you to make herself appear/feel better. If people are smirking at some private joke around you, the chances are that joke is about you.

I'd go and find somebody more worthwhile to socialise with.

warthog · 04/04/2007 08:09

i think she likes you but she's got low self confidence and she is ashamed of saying you are her friend for some reason. really not a friend worth keeping. it will be easy to get rid of her: ignore her texts, when she phones or comes round say you're busy and you don't have time to see her. at some point she will ask you what the problem is, and you should tell her the truth. 'i don't like spending time who laugh behind my back and are ashamed to call me their friend'. end of.

Nbg · 04/04/2007 08:15

This sounds really childish and tbh she also sounds jealous. Especially with the interview clothes thing.
Why would you smirk at someone about that?

I would confront her about it.

Radley · 04/04/2007 08:22

lifesteeth, tbh, in my opinion, she doesn't sound like she is a very good person to be around, though, I am not the best person to give opinions on a subject like this at the minute (there are threads somewhere). I have let a friendship slide recently as I found out what she was really like deep down.

I don't think you can let a friendship slide easily until you can see the other persons true colours, and even then its not easy.

Cat me if you want to chat about it, it's not easy, but I have (and still am) going through the same as you.

Original poster

lifesteeth · 04/04/2007 09:28

Thanks for the replies, this week her husband is off work and I've not heard a thing from her (apart from yesterday when I went around and wished I hadnt) but she told me to phone her at the weekend so we can do something next week...when her husband is at work. I know people like to spend time with their husbands but this does make me feel like I'm just a 'stand-in' for when she's bored.

Regarding the interview...a few weeks ago we were both talking about how we needed to start work, my reasons are that I'm on my own with no finantial support so if I don't work I have to rely on benefits which is not something I want to make a career out of! her reasons is that she needs to find work before her eldest leaves school but since neither of us have worked for years we're 'scared' and 'nervous' about going back to it...this she says is what puts her off. I on the other hand don't really have much choice if I want to better myself so when I told her I had this interview it was met with shock and a bit of a smirk and a swift change of subject.

We were both talking about booking a holiday abroad (seperately) and she said her husband never wants to go anywhere and she feels trapped...a few weeks later I booked a holiday abroad, not to spite her, just because I could and whilst I have nobody holding me back I may as well...I've waited for it long enough. Needless to say she doesn't like talking about my holiday much.

I knew right away that we were very different, I like to go out and get whereas she's quite content to 'want'. I did think she was a nice person though but these snidey laughs and comments are starting to take their toll now.

OP posts:

GameGirly · 04/04/2007 09:33

Life's too short. Keep out of her way - sounds like she should be back at school anyway.

ScummyMummy · 04/04/2007 09:35

From your descriptions it sounds like she is behaving very badly towards you. Sounds like she may be jealous but that is not an excuse for being mean. I'd find some other friends.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 04/04/2007 11:03

Just ask her. Next time she makes a snide comment or laughs ask her.. say "what was that then? Why are you laughing?? What's funny?".. she will then have to respond. You don't have to ignore/put up with this behaviour any more than you have to carry on being her "friend" if you choose not to. She may behave like a teenager in school, but you don't have to put up with it.

Ifonlyhewould · 04/04/2007 12:20

Mmmm. She sounds toxic. In my opinion a friendship like this can do you more harm than good. If you think you can stay friends and just rise above the toxic behaviour, not let it get to you then thats fine, but if you find it hurtful to the extent its affecting your self esteem then i would say it's best to dump her. There are lots of nice ladies out their who would be grateful of your friendship

Flowertop · 04/04/2007 14:47

I always evaluate my relationships by asking if I feel good around the person I'm friends with. If they are behaving badly towards you and making you question your own feelings then they are no good for you. A loving friend will always ensure that they respect your feelings and make you feel good about yourself. A bad friend will smirk to make you feel uncomfortable and make you feel bad about how you look etc. This lady needs to address her own problems before she deserves to have a friend like you. If people make me feel bad about myself - then I steer clear!!!

KaySamuels · 04/04/2007 15:33

You sound like you have a good outlook on life in general and how to be a good friend, this woman on the other hand does not. Maybe she is jealous of you going out and getting the things you want? Whatever her motivation for this behaviour I wouldn't put up with it.

Mumpbump · 04/04/2007 15:37

I agree with freckle. It sounds like she's putting you down to make herself feel good. Some people are unfortunately like that, I guess. I would let things slide if I were in your position. I'm sure there is someone else out there more deserving of your friendship...

Flip