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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice on How that make DH notice me again

2 replies

WantToFeelLoved · 10/09/2017 12:34

DH and I have been married for 11 years with 2 DCs. We've had our ups and downs like most families. On the whole we get on quite well and do spend quite a bit of time together as I work from home and DH works shifts.

I've been having a constant battle with depression and weight gain and completely lost my self worth.

I've got my MH under control and have in total lost just over 6 stone. I feel happy in my own skin again.

DH has been supporting of me loosing weight and asks about it. But not once has he said well done or acknowledged it.

The desire / lust and affection had disappeared from our relationship. I suppose in my head as stupid as it sounds I thought if I lost all the weight he would fancy me again. But that hasn't happened at all. If anything it's had the opposite effect.

I am the one who initiates sex he never does. He doesn't initiate anything. If it wasn't for me initiating intimacy we wouldn't have anything. I hate it, it makes me feel needy.

I'm at a loose end and I really don't know what to do. I just want him to notice me and fancy me again like he used too. It's like the love between us has disappeared.

Is there anything I can do to make him notice me and desire me again?

OP posts:
howtoexplain · 10/09/2017 13:12

I'm in exactly the same situation. It's like losing weight and regaining confidence is a threat and dh preferred it when I was insecure and heavier.

Things have improved a bit with time but still don't feel loved or wanted. No easy answer - sorry.

Keepithidden · 10/09/2017 13:39

Have you spoken to him about it?

I don't initiate intimacy or sex with DW because I've been rejected so many times, understandable in the early days (pregnancy and post birth), but years later there doesn't seem much point as I'm pretty sure nothing would happen. Could it be you're are stuck in a similar rut?

Communication is the only way to find out, as always!

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