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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Emotionally abusive relationship

3 replies

1amsam · 10/09/2017 11:10

Hi, really need some advice. For the past six years I've been in a relationship on and off with a man. He has been emotionally abusing me. Things are great for a while, then the cycle starts. He expects me to answer my phone within a couple of rings, or call him back straight away. If I don't he asks me what I'm doing - as if I'm cheating on him. He also always wants to know who texts me, but doesn't ask in a curious way - it's always in an accusatory way. (I have never cheated on him and would never)
He puts me down and says he’s joking. He criticises me constantly and makes me feel like I never get anything right. He doesn’t ever praise me for the work I do. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and always worry about everything I say, or if I have plans with others I worry that he won’t like it. He’s never overly aggressive and makes me feel like it’s my fault that he gets annoyed with me.
I have now finally realised that this man is probably a narcissist and I want to end this stupid cycle once and for all. In the past, I’ve always gone back because I’ve missed the good stuff (when it’s good it’s very, very good) But the problem is he lives in the flat downstairs from me, with his parents. (Yes, I know!) I know that in order to move on I will have to literally move. I live in a council flat with my 13-year-old son and I’m not sure how to go about this? I don’t want to implicate him and involve police, I just want to get away.
I feel really anxious all the time in case I bump into him. Please help!

OP posts:
changingcareer · 10/09/2017 11:19

It is such a hard cycle to break so I feel your pain.

It sounds like you have recognised all the abusive behaviour he does towards you and it sounds like he Gaslights you too.

Many on here recommend the book by Lundy Bancroft called Why does he do that? It helped me a lot.

Is there anywhere you can go short term, stay with family or a friend? Just until you can break this cycle once of for all. To break the cycle you need to not contact him for a certain amount of time so if you ever do bump into him you will be free of that emotional torture of wanting him when you see him (then regretting it straight after.) This is not easy when he lives downstairs!

Unless you feel you can be strong enough to blank him if you see him where you live, I would be looking to stay with someone short term and looking into moving permanently Smile

1amsam · 10/09/2017 11:38

Hi thanks for the reply.

He tortures me with playing his music loudly so I know he's there and if I ever bump into him he acts really nice.

I will read the book and I know I need to move xx

OP posts:
category12 · 10/09/2017 11:44

Try using homeswapper. You can go online to look.

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