Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH storming off

45 replies

Anya2012 · 10/09/2017 08:51

Hi everyone. I'm newly married , less that two months actually. DH are already having lots of problems. Well after arguments he storms off and says he is going to sleep on the sofa all night. Which he has already done several times. However a couple of times over the last month he has stormed off whilst we've been driving somewhere. A couple of weeks ago he wanted me to drop him off at the station as I was on my way somewhere , he directed me to Hanger Lane roundabout. I went round the roundabout twice listening to him shouting at me that he's going to be late . There was no where safely to pull over to let him out. So he told me to continue driving on the a406 , I suggested stopping elsewhere and then he shouted out me ( very aggressively ) so I had to come off at the nearest exit at which point I had shouted back. He got out the car whilst it was still moving and slammed the door so hard I thought it would break. Then I didn't hear from him the rest of the day and he said we both need to respect each other more. I was really upset and left it at that. However now yesterday we were in the car and I was getting out to pop to marks and spencer. We were on a side street and the door was open and my legs were out, I was just checking I had my bank card and he shouted really aggressively at me to get out of the car bc he was on a double yellow. I felt so hurt the whole time. Then we were driving and I was being curt back after he'd been so rude and he didn't apologise we were arguing about it . All of a sudden he was raging, got out of the car , screaming and then punched the back window of the car really hard. Luckily it didn't break( he did break one a few years ago) and stormed off.
He refused to answer my calls , and then said he was going to go to his parents or get the keys to his house from the estate agent ( we are renting out his house soon). I said we could talk later but he refused . I had no idea where he went the rest of the day and then later he said he'd been with his friends and he wasn't coming back to my flat/our home ( where he has moved into after marriage) he stayed at his house .
Is this normal behaviour ? I feel really lonely and heart broken. Does this happen in other marriages ,? I would really appreciate your help and advise. There are other issues but I feel like I'll be going on and on . I know I've only talked about the negatives but we do love each other very much.

OP posts:
zippey · 10/09/2017 10:37

You don't seem right for each other. This will only escalate and someone will get hurt. Best calling it a day now.

Branleuse · 10/09/2017 10:44

OP, he is abusive. He is not treating you ok

travailtotravel · 10/09/2017 10:51

Please listen to these wise, experienced people here. This isn't normal. It's controlling. It's abusive. Dangerous if you stay. Please please listen.

Ladycremer · 10/09/2017 11:06

He's manipulated you enough already for you to be believing that 1.... his behaviour is ok. 2 It's ok becasue he doesn't hit you and only lashes out sometimes. 3 You are blaming yourself. 4 you're justifying his behaviour. 5 you're scared only sometimes. This will escalate. Leave and leave now before you end up another statistic.

honeylulu · 10/09/2017 12:02

You need out of this relationship while he still has his house to go back to and you don't have children. It sounds like it's always been bad but has escalated now you are married (as he thinks you are less likely to walk away)and I can 100% guarantee that it will escalate again if you get pregnant and then again if you give up work. It will be much, much harder to extricate yourself (and any children) at that stage and he will know it.
I know he's never hit you but there may well come a time when he does.
He has anger issues and justifies this by making it your fault. That won't change.

gamerchick · 10/09/2017 12:08

He has never ever hit me though

Meh, means nowt. He had never hit a window before he did it the first time.

I agree with the being trained thing. You're looking at a potential really shit life.

Tell him to stay at his house and that you'll pack his things to collect. You're at a crossroads right this minute. Choose wisely or suffer the consequences.

C0untDucku1a · 10/09/2017 15:58

Op how is today going?

juliej00ls · 10/09/2017 16:40

I appreciate you haven't indicated if you want children or not however having children is hard work and can test the most solid of relationships and the calmest of folk. He's struggling with really basic stuff. Now throw in a difficult toddler or a stroppy teenager, or better still you have left but your children have the pleasure of weekends with him. Quit while your ahead. Good luck.

Cambionome · 10/09/2017 16:57

End this now. It will only get worse.

When you say he hasn't hit you, you mean he hasn't hit you yet. Don't wait around for the inevitable to happen. Flowers

Niamhisnotarealname · 10/09/2017 17:42

Please don't stay OP. This will only get worse and worse and if you do stay please don't get pregnant.

Nanny0gg · 10/09/2017 18:21

He needs to take anger management classes.

You need to leave.

Dollypartonsbra · 10/09/2017 20:26

Please consider the path that this relationship is heading towards. This is 2 months in and it's already escalating.
You do not deserve to be treated in this way, no one does.
Someone who loves you would not act out like this.
If he is not willing to go to anger management or counselling I would seriously consider staying with him.
Forward a few years and your life will be a misery if there is no change.
So sorry this is happening to you Flowers

Charley50 · 10/09/2017 20:33

Get out asap. He's dangerous.

butterfly56 · 10/09/2017 20:53

No it's not normal behaviour.
He is abusive and his behaviour is escalating.
He thinks his behaviour is ok and you are to blame.
Classic abuser.
There is not peace of mind in this type of relationship, just continuous walking on eggshells.

cailisto · 10/09/2017 21:02

Get out of this relationship asap.

PickAChew · 10/09/2017 21:21

It doesn't matter if he hasn't hit you. He's a violent, aggressive abusive bully.

The person you marry is supposed to make you feel great, not have you tiptoeing around wondering when he's going to blow up on you, next.

Pollydonia · 10/09/2017 21:57

He has never hit me .........yet.

Topseyt · 10/09/2017 22:13

He is an utter arsehole. Dump him.

You have an easy solution here, as he has a house and you have your flat.

Tell him to stay at his house and not come back. Then your flat can again become your home and sanctuary.

Sancerresanwine · 10/09/2017 23:43

Please listen to us op. This is classic abuser behaviour. It does not get better. It gets a lot worse. You cannot fix him, it is not your fault and he will not change. You have your own home, you do not have children with him. He will ruin your life. You will be fine, better than fine, amazing, without him.

WombOfOnesOwn · 10/09/2017 23:46

Don't have children with any man you'd feel strange about letting children stay with alone on the weekends. If you split up with him after having a baby, he'll get contact. That baby will be exposed to this man. You have a chance to make a clean break. Go for it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread