Soul slowly dying

[Ryebreadandwine]

Ok. That feels very dramatic but I'm struggling to understand what's going on with me right now. I've been single for over a decade (a few very short relationships in between), my child is in his final year at school and quite rightly becoming independent. I feel so alone and lonely. I don't have many friends locally. I work from home and don't see much of people day to day. I have a few hobbies that get me out. I feel like life shouldn't be this difficult. Life for me right now is a real struggle. I really don't want to go on antidepressants but maybe I should. I'm sharing because I have no one to talk to. Anyone else with similar experiences where things have improved?

I'm sorry you're struggling. I'm in a similar situation except I don't work from home. The only thing I can say for sure is that your situation won't change by itself because a potential partner or friend won't knock on the door out of the blue.

It may take you a long way out of your comfort zone but only you can make the changes you need to make so that your life is better a year from now, although believe me I know it's easier said than done.

If you suspect depression I would certainly start with a trip to your gp. After that, what is the thing you'd most like to change?

Thanks for replying rainy. I feel like I've been trying to make changes. For example, taking up new hobbies. I've tried internet dating but no luck past a few messages. I'm not sure about depression. I suspect low mood and circumstances fit me better. I think having a deep connection is what's missing. I've spent my life dedicated to my child. I guess what's happening is I'm losing that very close relationship and now I have to look at myself and what I do when he eventually leaves.

Empty nest is very hard, especially without a partner or supportive friends to soften the blow.

It sounds like you're trying the right things, but maybe perseverance is key. People on here swear that online dating is a numbers game and it sounds like you have to endure a lot of frogs in pursuit of something meaningful.

You say that you have no close friends nearby but since you work from home, could you move to be nearer to distant friends, or to a part of the country that might offer a better standard of living? Would you consider a job out of the home? Have you tried Meet Up? I'm not being flippant. These are all things I'm in the process of considering myself.

Rainy, everything you've said makes sense. I'm stuck where I am because my child is doing their GCSEs this year. I am however planning a move away next year. Not necessarily to somewhere near those I'm closer to. We're all scattered around the country. I don't like the thought of being office based but it's something I could consider. I've thought about meet up. I'm starting a new hobby this week. I'm trying to be patient until my options are improved next year. I should probably look at meetup again.

Working from home can be very isolating. Have you thought about renting desk space in a shared office somewhere? Just as an example of the kind of thing out there, this is an option in Leeds which a friend of mine has used in the past. Just getting out and about regularly will help. You don't have to use it every day.

Have you thought about a book group (maybe ask your library or bookshop if they organise one) or a knitting group (ask your local yarn shop, they will probably have a knit night)? Something which is intentionally sociable but alright to turn up to on your own as well.

Are you managing to get exercise if you're working from home? That is one of the traps about it, and of course it won't help your mood either. What about booking some trainer sessions at the gym so you have the motivation to get out there? The gym is not a particularly sociable environment in my experience but again will get you out there.

I was in a similar spot. I went back into the office. I know I would never work from home again. Way too isolating. Also, I developed female friendships which was also important.

Still not dating, although I did a bit of OLD. It can pass the time, but also be a beating at the same time. I started up a lot of pampering things like mani, pedi, facials, etc. I feel better about the world, but the number 1 thing was give up working from home.

Hi tribpot. We have an office I can use from time to time. I also have regular meetings and some trips away. I do exercise quite regularly. I can't afford an instructor but I would love one to one for motivation. I think you're right. A group where I can sit with other people for company and maybe friendship would be wise. I like crafts and books. There are local groups. I just need to motivate myself. I'm drinking too much alcohol too. I need to reduce my consumption. It does not do me any good.

Bubbling. The benefits working from home are what attract me to the job. I do wonder if it's not good for me. Everything location and work wise is on hold until next year. In the meanwhile I'll keep on with internet dating and try to expand my social network.