Aibu

[martini]

My partner works 60 hours a week from 10 am to 10pm and he works every single Saturday and Sunday ,we don't live together, we live couple hours apart ,have been together a year ,so obviously as u can imagine we can never spend a weekend together ,his days off r randomly selected so can't plan anything I have 2 kids and they ask why he is aways at work they miss him and want him to come places with us at weekends ,other people in his work have demanded to be put on more sociable hours and got it so I have asked him would he consider doing that he said he doesn't want to annoy the boss wtf ,he wants us to live together I have said no chance while he's doing those hours and tbh his wage doesn't even reflect the hours he is doing he makes less than £2000 a month ,I know jobs are hard to come by but aibu asking him to try to change his hours

Erm is he definitely at work? Those hours are crazy. What does he do??

Yes he's defo at work he works as a in a hotel kitchen x

As a chef I meant to say

It's a very lonely and hard life being wife a chef.
Very few people understand that they work every weekend and most evenings. They can't just have a Friday night off etc.
The children miss out greatly as normally trips are just with me as daddy is once again at work all weekend.
In the long term things will not change unless he changes career.

Chefs (full time) can't have social lives. Not ones that allow for an evening out that isn't a Monday that is, I worked in kitchens for many many years and it really isn't a great job. Crappy hours. Crappy stressful work and of course, crappy pay to match. I honestly don't know what to suggest really. Personally I would be the same as you. Reluctant to move forward without some change on his end.

Thanks I don't feel so selfish now and yes it is incredibly lonely x

One option that many chefs partners choose is to basically make your own life as if you were single (no unfaithfulness as far as I know) and just get on with life.
I am very fortunate and don't have to work so I always get to see my husband on his days off in the week. If I worked full time we would never see each other.
Most nights when he gets into bed I'm already asleep, then he gets up and goes the next morning before I'm up!

You've only been together a year, and based on his working hours and the distance apart that you live, I'll bet you've only spent the equivalent of about 2 or 3 weeks maximum in his company.

I don't see how the relationship can move forward in any way, you can barely really know him.

I'm a chef and so is my husband we work together and have a 10 month old and he has a 8 year old. The hours are a pain for both of us, we barely plan anything without the kids as it's the only spare time we get. I see him one afternoon a week so it is tiring. I would understand it's hard for someone to be with a chef because it's a very unsociable job and stressful ... but if he doesn't ask with a boss that will be your life. He should be listening to you and the kids and at least try and do something about it... most bosses in our trade will adjust something round to help. All I'd say is if he won't change for you and the kids then part of him doesn't want to because that's him not putting in the effort... maybe think of moving on because he doesn't sound like he is prioritising you lot xx

He had a couple of months of with a health problem not long ago and he came and lived with me for two and a half months while he was off so we do know each other well but I can see how ur point x