I honestly don't know where to start with this one, I keep thinking that it's only just started, a recent change, but looking back this has been going on years. I'm finding it difficult to explain, to be honest I'm not 100% if something is wrong or if I've fallen out of love and I'm just imagining these things are a problem, as an excuse/reason maybe? We have 2 DC.
I've told him so many times I need more help around the house, with the DC. It's bordering on daily now. He accuses me of nagging, tells me, and had told his doctor, that I am the reason for his high blood pressure despite having a family history and 2 siblings with the exact same issue. He goes out a couple of times a week leaving me to tidy up and get the kids to bed. If I dare to say I'm going out he says I'm selfish and a bitch and shouts that I never asked him. Up until recently I used to feel bad and stay in, pathetic right? He hates having to look after the kids, he will literally sit in a dark room all day and complain. McDonald's is a valid food choice for all meals at all times unless I come home and do it for them. He always complains about how bad his life is because of me and the kids, because of the house, our jobs, he's constantly comparing us to everyone else. Everything is everyone else's fault. We both work FT, I get up at 6am every morning to get DC ready for school/childminder. Gives me time to pack the car, get myself ready, etc. He gets up at 7:15 and gets himself ready and fed and leaves at 7:40am. He never helps, he does collect the eldest and once I get in with the baby 2 hours later then I've to do homework, cook dinner, tidy up, clean kids. He literally hands the child his phone and tells him to be quiet. He used to get angry very very easily, this usually ended with him getting in my face and saying "I could fucking thump you right now". This stopped a few months ago after I screamed at him to just do it, part of me just wishes he did. I just feel it would be a solid reason to leave. I begged him to get help over the years but he's always insisted he didn't need it. Things would be great for awhile then it would all start over again. He demands sex, oral weekly but the thought of him touching me makes me sick. Everything is emotional manipulation, I know it's going to happen, yet every time I end up feeling like a bitch. He ends up getting what he wants and I end up confused and angry and wondering how we got here. He turns it around so easily.
I had a difficult few years and struggled after the birth of my youngest. I just don't know is it me? I'm clearly approaching everything wrong because nothing is changing. I don't know where to go. I'm miserable, I fantasized for a long time that he had an affair and left us, for no other reason than he would be gone and wouldn't be bothered with us.
Has anyone been through this? Any advise? I'm just lost