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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't know why I'm surprised

5 replies

Movingon1611 · 09/09/2017 19:56

So after months of exh initially choosing his new girlfriend over spending time with our DC at weekends, verbal abuse from him, physical violence from him that resulted in the police being called and social services getting involved and us being told he can continue to see the kids but he's not to come to my house so we're to use a 3rd party for drop off/hand over, further abuse from him over me not apologising for calling the police after he assaulted me, him moaning about how desperate he is to see the kids, how much he misses them now that it's been a whole month since he's seen them at all I thought fine I'll be the bigger person.
I offered him to see the kids tomorrow, gave loads of ways we can hand over the kids safely etc and he said no he'd rather wait until he has something sorted legally even though that's not something we've been told has to happen (as an aside no idea how he plans on paying for that)
That's all fair enough I suppose except the kids go longer without seeing him and he them.
I've just been sent a screenshot from a mutual friend of his Facebook timeline that shows he's at the cinema with his girlfriend- social services also carried out an assessment on her and she'd refused to see him this past month.
So clearly the reason he's said no to tomorrow is because he's with her.
We're right back to the beginning, I don't know why I'm surprised or angry or why I bothered in the first place

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 09/09/2017 21:03

Yes why are you bothering to facilitate it? Let him sort it out. My kid hasn't seen or spoken to her dad in 5 years, she's 8. She's just fine.

abbsisspartacus · 09/09/2017 21:28

Quit while you are ahead if he takes it to court say you have no issues with him seeing the kids and he preferred a court hearing

Movingon1611 · 09/09/2017 21:30

I don't know why I'm still trying. I know I feel as though I've let them down in that this is the life they have, this is the dad they have and I want better for them

OP posts:
InWonderLand2 · 09/09/2017 22:00

Sometimes its just best to cut your losses and walk away. I've gotten to that point with my ex as of today and changed my number an hour ago. I'm fed up of trying and him not doing the same. I've realised that its a power thing for our ex's, they enjoy trying to still have some sort of control over us by withholding maintence, not turning up to see the children etc. They are more concerned about hurting us rather than doing whats best for their children.

I'm happier when i have no contact with my ex and I've decided to put myself first as I've still helped him over the years but he's just such an ungrateful person. I refuse to allow him to have a hold on me anymore. Forget about your ex, leave him to it, the kids will realise (if they don't already) what he's like, just get on with your life and enjoy it as we only get one Smile good luck

Desmondo2016 · 09/09/2017 22:02

If i were you I'd be having zero contact with him.

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