Affair

[Married30]

Today 13:42 Married30

I have been married for 30 years to my childhood sweetheart . On 20/8 I received the most devastating news that my husband has been having an affair . We had just returned from holiday with 2 of my daughters . While we were away one of my daughters came across his phone !? The evidence was there to see sad.
They told me when we got home . I kicked him out that day . I am broken. Every day gets harder he was my world my life. We run our own business together. I see him everyday. I have to work with him. It's killing me! He denies everything says they are friends ! I know it to be true...if anyone has advice how to get through this nightmare please help . My daughters are adults it's so hard on them too I talk to them we talk together and I feel I am adding to there torment and hurt .....

I m so sorry you're going through this, me too unfortunately my husband of 20 years had an affair and I found out about it last month. It is hard but every day gets easier. The business side of things must be so hard to bear, could you take time away or would that affect your income? Use your daughters to help support each other, they must be hurting and shocked too.
Take each day as it comes, vent on here, and remember to eat.

Juststopit
Thank you for your reply x I am sorry this has happened to you too ... my youngest daughter goes to university next week I just feel so awful for her . I keep crying and try not too for her ... then I get even angrier I feel like my heart is being ripped out. I can be ok one minute and then totally overwhelmed. I just can't believe this has happened to me ... I'm sure you must feel the same. I need to work to pay for my daughter to go to university otherwise I would have left :( .

If he is denying it, then you have no chance of reconciliation.

Implement the 180.

The 180

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead orimplore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow him/her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do ask for help from family members if required
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.

10. Do not spy on spouse. 11. Do not say “I Love You”. 12. Act as if you are moving on with your life. 13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive. 14. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc. 15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. 16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. 17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse. 18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold – just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he/she will be missing 19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around. 20. All questions about marriage should be put onhold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while). 21. Never lose your cool. 22. Don’t be overly enthusiastic. 23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). 24. Be patient 25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. 26. Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away. 27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil). 28. Be strong and confident. 29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallestCONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write. 30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy. 31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. 32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared. 33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. 34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.

Thank you Sandy Y2k

I am sorry to hear what you are going through , this happened to me years ago and was extremely hard and my son was going to university also , sending hugs

Homebird12
Thank you x I am very worried about my daughter, going to uni is stressful enough such a big change for anyone. She should be so excited....

@SandyY2K Please can you PM me (regarding something entirely different!) It won’t allow me to PM you. Thanks

Oh dear, welcome to the club no one wanted to join. I read the book ‘leave a cheater, gain a life’ by Tracey schorn, it’s brilliant. I only wish I’d found it sooner and would have saved myself a great deal of heartache. She also runs a blog www.chumplady.com there are forums with people you can vent, talk and help you through this mess.

@Mummyslittleprecious

You must have disabled the ability to send PMs...because I just tried to message you and got a pop up message...that you aren't receiving PMs.

You were together 30 years, childhood sweethearts?

What does 'he' think about your children, given they are not his?