So I've NC. Not that anyone would care but I told my Dsis my username, so here we are.
Been with DH for 20 years and every year or so, since having our DS we have a relationship audit, see where we are try to make any improvements where we can and generally find time for us.
Recently I've noticed we're not doing this. The sex has gone down to once or twice a week and my sex drive feels as though it's through the roof, whereas he is not hard enough these days. Of course I'm taking this as rejection. He says it's not, I can only take from him what he says. If I show I'm hurt or upset, he performs, but it feels like an obligation and I'm even less satisfied. But that's not actually bothering me. I mean it is but it isn't.
So to explain how we work. I have men friends I prefer them. He has women friends he prefers them. Everybody is cool. He's got one friend going through a divorce. She found our relationship illuminating because I don't tell him who he can be friends with, not assume the worst. For us it's normal, she didn't get this within her relationship. It's one of the things we (DH and I) like about each other. He see's other relationships his few male friends are in and dare I say, when he talks it sounds a little smug.
So anyway to get where we're content with all of this, there were a couple of bumps in the road with both of us. But we ensured we got through the other side with communication.
Back to present day, my DH and his friend like house music and he and a group of them to to festivals. Obviously they get talking about where she is and she's going through a difficult divorce. This is where it gets dodgy for me. He literally is begging her to talk to him or someone cause she clearly needs to.
I've discussed it with him because I see a clear pattern to his behaviour. Where someone is unhappy, going through things he feels it's up to him to be their sounding board, their confidante (personally I think he likes gossip, or living vicariously through other people). At first I thought I needed to warn him that he could be giving mixed signals, and I thought I was being unnaturally jealous. If I'm jealous, I think I have reason to be, as I'm quite intuitive, and feel things before they manifest. Can't explain it just am always right based on a feeling.
But then I realised that's not it all. I've been trying to speak to him about sex (Mr Floppy), about making time for us, not just us and the kids. He can't seem to think I need to talk and that it's affecting me, but a woman he has known for two years not 20, he needs to fix because she's not expressing herself emotionally. So that's what the jealousy part is I guess. I kind of think he doesn't want to talk to me about it because of the sex aspect.
Okay that's all not sure what I'm expecting advice wise.
BTW I'm not perfect.