Why do people ghost ?

[runningintothelight]

I've just been ghosted. Again. By someone who showed so much promise . Who said they would never treat me like that. That they would never ghost - that they would be upfront and honest about it.

Is it me ? Is it something I've done ? Because this has happened again. And again.

My confidence isn't on the floor. It's 6 feet under .

It's not you, it's them. Are you letting people get too close too soon before you can work out who they really are, getting invested in people before you know their true intentions? If it's a relationship you're talking about, next time take a step back and let them do the running until you've built your confidence up. Hope you're ok.

He was doing all the running , I learnt from last time to take a step back and not text as much. Then he suddenly had less time... then he pretended he wasn't receiving my messages .... then he's gone.

Seriously I'm perplexed. I know I deserve better and they've shown their true colours , but it still hurts !

Meh.

Then he suddenly had less time

That is when you back off. Big time.

I know, I've been there and was left feeling like wtf but it's usually something to do with them, rather than anything you have done. I think sometimes when we have got low confidence we can attract the wrong sort of people and they can take advantage in a way.

It is them, and I know it's terribly hard but you just have to tell yourself you're better off without someone who will do this.

I got ghosted by my fiancé who I lived with. Came back from work and he'd packed his stuff and gone, ignored phone calls, etc...he actually did it to me three times. I see him about occasionally and just think "what a fucking nobhead".

I've thought about this a lot as I've been ghosted myself too many times. I think it's your basic lack of maturity and not wanting to take responsibility for their decisions, a sense of entitlement 'why should I do something I don't want to to' so they just don't do it...and also a really fragile self concept which can't take any criticism so they avoid any conversation in which their behaviour and motivation could be questioned, because they can't actually be self reflective because it's too difficult/painful to reflect on their flaws.

I did Maryhadalittlelamb ... he would text me hey , just saying hey I'm busy at work... so I would just text back "hope it all goes well" nothing like , " text me when you're free " or anything. Then I'd get ???? A day later , so I'd respond ? And he'd be like ' oh look who it is' and disappear again. Very strange and saddening behaviour

It is very very sad and utterly disheartening.

It feels horrible to reect someone because you know it feels horrible to be rejected. Ghosting is the coward's way out. You're well rid of those that do it.

He sounds like a total player to be honest. Like he was sending you little text messages to keep you dangling/keep you hoping. Bet he wanted you to be more like "when can I see you again, etc" and was puzzled when you didn't.....but if you had the end result would have been the same, probably even sooner!

He sounds like an attention seeker.

I had this and it got to the point I was giving out an insecure vibe by even mentioning that other people had ghosted me and I didn't like it, it seemed to make it happen even more. Just by saying I expected to be treated decently.

They do it because they can. Just keep swimming.

Sounds like he was spinning many plates at once & yours dropped.

Because they are cowards. That's the long and the short of it.

Really, don't see it as a reflection of you or anything you have done.

Develop a thick skin, dont 'expect' to be ghosted, but if you think along the lines of 'I'm great and if they can't see that they are not worth my time or my tears' if and when ghosting does occur, you will be better equipped to deal with it and move on without letting it ruin your self esteem. Good self esteem is a great protection against knobs who ghost.

Thank you for your replies !

I'm feeling okay today 😘