When to give up on a friendship?

[mandmandmandm]

Someone i used to be good friends with, has been blowing increasingly hot and cold with me for about 2 years. It's now got to 80- 90% cold and i suspect she is trying to end the friendship but doesn't want to be the one to cut the final tie.. i've tried talking to her about it but she just gets defensive and says i'm imagining things.

The latest 'cold' was her birthday, i sent her a message suggesting we catch up sometime (we had run into each other in the street a few weeks before and had a friendly chat). Reply was that she was too busy. Then on Facebook i see pictures of her having a birthday dinner with several mutual friends, including people I didn't know she was particularly close too.

She is someone i thought would be a friend for life so i try to remain positive towards her but am beginning to feel a bit of a mug for being nice when she seems to be so inconsistent.

You are finding this hurtful I should imagine. But actions speak louder than words and she's showing you, in not a nice way, that you're not important to her.

It could be over, so you might want to consider removing her from Facebook. You don't have to "break" the relationship, just let it drift away. Many years from now things might change and you might take it up again.

I would let the friendship drift, still chat if you see her in the street and you want to chat, but stop trying to make arrangements. Sometimes friendships ebb and flow, good friends can turn into casual friends, but sometimes the friendship warms up again in future. Circumstances and people change. It is hurtful for you, I've been there, but also I've been on the other side and tried to cool off a friendship when I wasn't enjoying it much, not something that I think I could have talked to her about as there wasn't a big disagreement, just lots of little differences of opinion and habits that meant I wasn't really enjoying spending time with her. Actually the following year our circumstances changed and we ended up being better friends again, although not as much as initially.

Previously when I've been on your side and tried to get the friend to talk about it I've had some upsetting replies that have made it hard for me to want to see them at all after, I wouldn't push the talking.

I wouldn't delete her on th as quite final, but you can block her from your newsfeed, so she won't pop up unexpected with pics of her with other friends. You will only see her posts if you choose to look at her profile. She won't know that you have blocked her.

No, do you mean unfollow her, not block her?

Unfollow don't block. Nowadays that's an act of war!

I'm in this situation too... as @Hopelesslydevotedtogu says Previously when I've been on your side and tried to get the friend to talk about it I've had some upsetting replies that have made it hard for me to want to see them at all after, I wouldn't push the talking.

I did this and I've had to now keep a couple of big pieces of news from my chum as I can't bear any snark from my "friend". Trouble is her chums as now deleting me one by one on social media and it hurts....

The key is not to act or react. Just let it drift. That way you prevent a toxic fall out requiring mutual friends to "take sides" and allow for a rebuild of the relationship in the future if the circumstances allow.

It's sad OP, I feel for you x

Wow I would have given up on her a long time ago. You can't change people like this - it's so hurtful when that happens. It happened to me on my birthday i invited 10 of my so called friends out for drinks and only 2 turned up. Then people wondered why I got pissed off... mmm

Oh yes I meant unfollow, not block!