Brief background: last year I came close to having an affair with a man I work with. He was married, so I backed away before anything happened, but the marriage clearly wasn't going well and he was unhappy. I didn't want to be the OW so I essentially turned him down (it was nicer than this but that's the bare bones of it). He then seemed to get things back on track with his wife, or so I thought, but we remained friends and for a while he was obviously still attracted to me. I really, really liked him but tried to keep this from him. I never really told him how I felt.
Fast forward to now. We seem to have become kind of confidantes at work - nothing major but we talk about stuff, e.g. I told him I had an interview for another job etc - and we are essentially work friends. The flirtiness from his side seems to have evaporated, and I'm also always just friendly in return (although I'm so physically and mentally attracted to him I wonder if he picks up on this?) anyway, he told me a few days ago that his marriage was absolutely over (his wife's instigation), and tonight, there was just the two of us in the office, only for 20 mins or so, and he told me that they've discussed it all, he's buying a flat and he wants his wife and children to stay in the house. Afterwards, I kicked myself for not being more overt, or for missing the opportunity to say something lighthearted (but making a point) like 'she must be mad', to indicate that I like him. But I also think this would have been in bad taste, given that he was talking about divorce etc.
A year ago ( which is when we got close) I would have jumped at this information from him (sorry, just being honest) but I feel now that the moment for us to get close has passed (in his eyes) and he just sees me as a sort of friend, nothing more, and I'm struggling to deal with this tbh!
As an extra downside, he has got friendly (in a flirty way) with another female colleague and I am dreading the fact that they might have an affair. She's younger, is probably up for a fling, and is probably seen as a 'lighter' option than me (I'm mid 40's, like him). Dreading because I am pretty besotted with him, and I cannot believe he is effectively going to be unattached and 'available', but my 'moment' has passed. I feel gutted about it. I'm wondering if I should let him know I'm interested, or whether this would just be embarrassing, edpecially as we work together.
I'm not sure if I have any questions but I just feel so down about it all, and cannot believe my bad luck.
I'm being ridiculous I know.