How do I say no to MIL???

[JellyNump]

M & FIL came down this w/end to see DD as DH has recently admitted 2 affairs and we are splitting up. PIL acted as if everything was 'normal' not sure they can actually admit their DS has done wrong. MIL has now retired and says she wants me and DD to go to France in the summer with her 'anytime as she has retired'. I do not want to go with her, she drinks a lot of red wine and lives in her own little bubble and smokes around DD which I HATE. We have been out to their french house for the past 3 years and i'd really like some time away from all of them. How do I let her down gently?

Well, let them now, that you are now starting a new life,just you and your daughter.
You don't want to go with your ex- husband on holiday,and every normal person would understand that. Don't let them do as if nothing has happend, they have to accept the fact, that you get divorced and from now on there is another way of life for you....

Of course they can still see and visit you and dd, but holidays together...sorry but those times are over. Well that's how I would feel and handel things from now on.

But you have to think of yourself and your daughter..no one else!!!!!!!!!!

just say "thats a very kind thought but we won't this year thank you", if she finds differnt ways to ask then just keep saying differnt versions of no every time - never rationalise to her why you don't want to go just keep saying no. If you give her reasons then she will start finding solutions.

You are a grown woman and you don;t have to do anythign you don;t want to.

I wouldn't go with my mother in law on holiday after what has happend...and if she smokes so much and drinks and you don't like it, just say, sorry but I don't want to go on holidays to the house in france anymore, the only people you want to go on holidays with is your parenst and friends. Don't be scared to say it, it's your right and it's understandable....

how about - that's very kind of you but we have already arranged our holiday this year.

or "sod off you old bag, take your cigarettes and booze and inflict them on your dastardly son, DD and I are off to the Bahamas this year"

It is ok to say 'no' to people without even having to give a reason.

Just because you are invited this year doesnt mean you are going, so there is no reason to have to 'let her down', if you see. Even if you had said yes, changing your mind is a perfectly reasonable human action that doesnt require an explanation.

yuk what a horrible thought having to go away with pil even under normal cicumstances.
it is kind of her to offer but not really a situation anyone would really like thrust upon them and i really wouldn't have thought she totally thinks you would go, perhaps an idea she came up with whilst sloshed!

I'd thank her for her kind offer but say you've already made holiday arrangements (for the next 10yrs!)

Don't say no as such, just never say yes. That's what I would do.

HAHAHAHAAHAHA i like the ''sod off you old bag'' thats good, she lives in LA LA Land so i'm not sure why she thinks I want to spend time with her?

I was thinking of maybe emailing and just saying, 'I don't really think this year is a good idea, to go back to the house, where I last went on holiday as a family, I dont think it would be appropriate'