Frozen out by SIL

[KC11]

At the start of this year I argued with my husband and stupidly sent texts to SIL to say could she tell her brother to take notice of me telling him I'm fed up of his behaviour which mainly involved him putting everything before me. DH and I made up our argument and weeks later I realised she was ignoring me and avoiding me. I've sent texts to her which are unanswered. I've apologised over text. I've texted asking her not to bear a grudge. I've asked over text why she's still ignoring me. Should I phone or try to turn up at her flat to get this sorted? WWYD?

Leave her alone. You can't tell her not to bear a grudge. That's her choice.

Why did you feel the need to involve her in your marital issues?

I know I was wrong to involve her. Don't apologies count for anything? I hate the ignoring and the way it is affecting my husband and the in laws. It is unreasonable to hope an adult with a child can exercise a bit of humility when I have apologised and asked her to move past it for DH's sake?

I wouldn't want to get involved after receiving those texts from my siblings' partner. I wouldn't want that type of drama in my life.

Apologies don't instantly heal your from all wrong doing. She has the right to not want to talk to you after that and YABU not to respect that.

sisterhood would you freeze out a woman you've known for 20 plus years when she admits she was stupid and is sorry? I would not treat people in that way. I was bullied for years at school age and this brings back bad memories. I just want to clear the air.

I like my sil. But my brother is my brother. I would feel that what you did was shitty to both of us. I would actually be a bit concerned about my brother if his wife played games like this.

I can also imagine this is not the first time something like this has happened.

What possessed you to do this? Especially if you havent done this before (or similar).

I was sad miserable and desperate.I have never involved her in anything before. She thinks it's ok to let DH and I have her child for a weekend but when we drove her child home to her she outright ignored me. I was really hurt by that. Is 9 months of silent treatment appropriate when what we're dealing with is my stupidity? I will eat humble pie. My in laws are aware she is ignoring me. I really want to clear the air. Do I accept that I'll be ignored for years over this?

Then dont have her child overnight. If she asks her dbro to watch the child, he can watch the child.

What does your dh think?

If she doesnt want to accept your apology. There isnt anything you can do.

I do wonder if your sil would agree this is the first time you have done something like this.

You can't make her accept your apology and the more you keep trying to force it, the more you probably get her back up. If I were you I'd leave it. Say hello and be cheery when around her but stop grovelling and stop harassing her. She'll probably come around in her own time and she'll let you know when that is.

I'm sorry about this situation, but the truth is you brought it all upon yourself, and now you're upset with your SIL because of her reaction to you trashing her brother. How, exactly, did you think this would play out, and did you really expect her to take your side? Once the words are out you can't take them back, and you also can't demand the receiver respond in a way you want them to. You made a huge mistake in involving your SIL in your marital problems, and especially for raging about her own brother to her.

Thanks for your advice. I will wait for her to say something. Such a sad situation though. DH feels stuck in the middle so now I don't mention it. DMIL is ill. I'd like to visit but will not go there when SIL is there but it's hard to guess when she'll be there. SIL answers DMILs phone. I'll get patient and hope for a shift in SIL's feelings.

I'll be patient

Aquamarine I know. I accept what I did was totally wrong. I hate this situation.

I think, if this episode was in isolation, that she has massively over reacted. You were reaching out to her as someone who maybe could give you advice. SILs are often not just family, but close friends too. You've done all you can to rebuild bridges, so I would just take a step back and leave her to it.